


My Kind of Angel

by Halevetica



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Castiel, Alternate Gabriel - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Bickering, Castiel (Supernatural) is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Hunter Castiel, Jealous Castiel, M/M, Regretful Sam Winchester, Sam is tired of their shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:57:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 38,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halevetica/pseuds/Halevetica
Summary: when Sam, Dean, and Cas accidentally get transported to another universe, they find help from a hunter with a familiar face.Dean instantly takes a liking to him and Cas must learn to fight the jealousy he feels towards the fun loving angel with his face, as they try to find a way back home.





	1. Portage

Dean gripped at the cement wall that was suddenly next to him before bending over and hurling up his breakfast of beef jerky and gas station coffee. The bitter acid burned his throat as he wretched again.

"Dean?" Sam heaved from his place on his knees. His head in his hands, trying stave off the dizziness he felt.

"Sam," Dean spoke around the bile, fighting to keep anymore from coming up.

"What happened?" Sam squinted at Dean as if it hurt to look directly at him.

"I don't know one second we were walking into the old asylum and the next we're..."Dean looked around at their surroundings. The asylum was gone and the only sign he saw had the words Portage nine miles.

"Portage?" Sam frowned, his eyes catching the sign as well.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, toto," Dean looked at his brother with a smirk, earning an eyeroll in return.

"We're not," Cas confirmed in a gruff voice.

"Cas?" Dean turned to see the angel pulling himself out of a bush.

"You got beamed too? What are we up against? An angel? What's strong enough to take you on?" Dean frowned.

"I'm not as strong as I once was, Dean. You know that," Cas glared at the hunter.

"Okay, still, you're an angel, fully powered or not," Dean waved a dismissive hand, rolling his eyes.

"Wait...something's...not right." Cas looked around; his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Could it be the fact that we're not in the Asylum?" Dean quipped sarcastically.

Sam let out a sigh. He'd had enough of Dean and Cas' quarreling the past few days. All they did was bicker. Sam tried his best to stay out of it but when they were stuck in a car on the way to a hunt it was hard to escape.

"No, it's...something else," Cas shook his head, ignoring Dean's sarcastic tone.

"Care to elaborate there, Cas?" it was like Dean was trying to annoy the angel.

"I can't put my finger on it."

Dean rolled his eyes again, "Okay can you just beam us back home? Baby is sitting outside an abandoned hospital, alone."

"Your car will be fine, Dean," Cas snapped. "And I need a minute. Whatever that thing did, scrambled my grace."

"Like an egg?"

This only earned a glare.

"Are you okay, Cas?" Sam asked, stepping in then with a concerned look.

"I'll be fine. I just need a minute. I'm disoriented."

"Great, then I guess we're walking," Dean threw his hands up and started for the road.

"Uh, Dean, we don't know where we are," Sam gestured the open expanse of nothing around them. The only thing was the abandoned bar they had landed next to.

"Well portage is that way so let's head that way," Dean gestured to the sign.

"Portage, isn't that in Wisconsin?" Sam frowned, pulling out his phone to pull up a map. "We're out of service range," He sighed, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

"Great, fantastic," Dean huffed heading towards the road again.

"Seriously what could zap us to Wisconsin from Kansas and disorient you?" Dean glanced over his shoulder at Cas, who was following behind tiredly.

"I don't know," Cas seemed unnerved by the fact and less than thrilled with Dean's tone on the topic.

"Okay well we know where the missing people are going then. They're not disappearing they're just being relocated," Sam wished he had the men of letters archives at his disposal then, or the internet.

"But dude those people were missing for days. If they got relocated, they would have called or shown back up at home," Dean pointed out.

"Yeah, It doesn't make sense," Sam agreed.

"Unless they were taking advantage and using it as a way to disappear.

"Four people? It's unlikely," Cas piped in, still looking around as if to discover a clue that would help him pinpoint what was off.

"To be fair three of them were together at the time."

"No, something's not adding up," Sam shook his head. People didn't just go missing. He mentally ticked off the monster's that it wasn't. Not a ghost. Not a ghoul. Not a vampire. Not a werewolf. What did he know that could transport people? Demon's could technically, but transport an angel? Not likely.

"I think I can navigate us back to the Asylum," Cas said then causing the brothers to stop.

"You sure, Cas? You're looking a bit peaky," Dean noted the way the angel's eyes weren't as bright as normal and how pale his normally tan skin was.

Instead of answering, Cas reached out and pressed two fingers to each of the brother's heads.

Suddenly they were back in Kansas only something wasn't right.

What should have been the asylum was an empty lot. And the spot where Dean had parked the impala was empty.

"What the...?" Dean blinked, glancing around.

"Are you sure this is the right spot, Cas?" Sam frowned, equally as confused.

"Yes, I'm quite sure," Cas looked over to see the library that sat on the corner was there. The streets were the same. Only the house on the end didn't have a red door.

"Look, Cas, you said yourself you were scrambled, maybe your eggs aren't back in their shells cause this... this isn't-"

"Dean," Sam cut in then.

Dean turned to see what his brother was looking at. A plaque stuck in the ground that read. 'Brookhaven asylum memorial grounds.'

"Memorial grounds?" Dean snorted.

"Excuse me," Sam caught the attention of an older gentleman walking his dog towards them. "What can you tell me about the asylum that was here?"

"Oh, it burned down. The doctor went mad and locked everyone inside. Patients and Staff and he burned it down with everyone inside."

"So you turned it into a memorial?" Dean raised a brow.

"A lot of people died in there, Son. People with loved ones. People who just wanted them to get better. No one respects mental illness, never have," The man tutted with a frown.

"Oh, no, I wasn't trying to insinuate-"

"Then next time keep your trap shut."

Dean gaped as the man strolled off with his dog.

Sam smirked but said nothing.

"That isn't what happened. I thought you said he added Cyanide to the patients medication and then shot his staff before hanging himself from the rafters," Cas looked at Sam quizzically.

"He did," The younger Winchester nodded.

"Then what the hell happened?"

"Oh," Cas looked around with wide eyes, a haunting realization on his face. "I think it know what's wrong." The angel took a few steps, inspecting the air carefully.

"Okay, I'll bite, what's wrong?" Dean huffed, the annoyance back in his tone.

"You're not going to like it."

"I already don't like it, Cas. What is it?" Dean snapped at the angel. His patience wearing thin.

"This isn't our world."


	2. Familiar Face

Dean blinked at Cas like he'd just grown a second head, "I'm sorry, what?"

"It explains my disorientation," Cas turned to face the hunters.

"What do you mean 'not our world'? As in..."

"As in an alternate reality. Another universe."

Dean's jaw clenched.

"How's that possible?" Sam looked around for evidence that Cas was wrong. He pulled out his phone to see it still read 'out of service range'. Well that explained that.

"I'm not sure," Cas shook his head. He was just as stumped as the brothers.

"Great, wonderful, this just keeps getting better," Dean kicked at a rock, sending it soaring into the side of a car parked across the street.

"Oops," He muttered.

"Dean, now is not the time to act like a child throwing a tantrum," Cas snapped, facing the older Winchester.

"Excuse me?" 

"Okay, what is with you two? You've been more on edge lately, both of you and frankly I'm getting tired of it. They had bigger things to worry about than Cas and Dean's marital problems.

"Nothing," The paired chimed in unison. 

"Okay, look can you two put the squabbling aside for now, until we can get back to...our world," Just saying that made Sam falter. How could this even be possible?

"Sam is right...I'm sorry that I insinuated that you sleep around too much. What you do with your body is your business," Cas relented with a sigh.

"You still think I'm a slut though," Dean crossed his arms at the angel.

"I never said that, Dean. I simply said that you would never find happiness in the bed of others if you choose not to see them ever again," Cas snapped. His play nice attitude already gone.

"I am happy, who says I want to see them ever again? I like being single," Dean snapped back, his arms uncrossing as he took a hostile step towards the angel.

"Oh my god, is that really what this is about?" Sam was a patient person, it came with the territory of being Dean's brother, but even he had his limits, and this was it.

"Dean, Cas doesn't like you sleeping around because he wants you to be happy and everyone knows you sleep around because you're lonely. Cas, Dean is sensitive about his love life, why would you bring it up?"

"He tried getting me to hook up with some girl the other night," Cas frowned, his shoulder's stiffening.

Sam turned an accusing eye to Dean. 

"He looked upset sitting alone at the bar," Dean gave an innocent shrug.

Sam took a deep breath. He was going to lose his shit. He so badly wanted to tell Dean Cas was upset because Dean was hooking up with random chicks instead of him, but he opted to just walk away. He didn't know where he was going and frankly, he didn't care, as long as it was away from the pining disaster that was Dean and Cas.  
They'd been doing this same song and dance for five years now. Almost 6.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, "I'm sorry, Cas. Can we just...move past this?"

"I think that's wise. I do believe if Sam were an angel, he would have smitted us just now," Cas looked over where Sam was steady walking away from them.

"Where's he going?" Dean threw his hands up.

"Sam, what are you doing?" Cas called after the youngest Winchester.

"If we're back in Kansas, I'm gonna go see if the British men of letters exist," Sam called over his shoulder.

As far as plans went it was a solid one. The likely hood that they would help hunter's was slim to none, but maybe it was abandoned like the one at home had been.

"Do you think we exist in this world?" Dean asked then, as he and Cas caught up with Sam.

"It's possible," Cas shrugged.

"Hey, sasquatch, I know you're angry walking, but do we have to walk all the way to the bunker? Can't we have Cas beam us there?"

"Dean," Cas huffed. He closed his eyes, willing himself to find the patience he needed.

"Right, not fully powered," Dean puffed trying not to roll his eyes. He wasn't quite used to that yet.

"How is it you're able to beam us once like every blue moon, shouldn't your wings prevent that?" Dean had wanted to ask but the fall was still too recent, Dean had been afraid to upset Cas.

A sullen expression came over the angel's face. "I can manipulate time and space to a degree but it's very taxing. I assumed we'd arrive at your car otherwise I would have taken us to the bunker."

Dean noted the way Cas' tone lilted, like he was telling a secret that he'd been keeping for far too long.

"Do you miss it?" Dean knew that was a stupid question but if Cas was anything like him, he wanted to talk about it, but not of his own accord. He would hold it in until someone prompted him.

"Very much," Cas kept his eyes straight ahead as he spoke.

"Does it help that you can bend time and space? It's kind of like flying right?"

"It seems similar to you because you are suddenly somewhere new, but for me, they are vastly different things, so no, it's nothing like flying."

Dean decided to drop the topic then. Cas' rigid shoulders told Dean that this was still a sensitive topic for the angel and this was something they should approach slowly.

The walk wasn't that far but it was further than Dean ever wanted to walk again. It took thirty minutes to finally get to where the bunker should be.

"Don't tell me..." Dean groaned to find a cute brick house with bright yellow shutters in place of where the bunker would have been.

Sam let out a tired huff. He had been really hoping that there would be something, if not someone, there.

Suddenly the familiar sound of wings whooshed behind them.

The brothers turned ready to fight, granted they had none of their gear as it was all in their world. All they had were their guns but those wouldn't do against an angel. Thankfully Cas had his angel blade at the ready.

"Cassie, I thought I sensed you ever so faintly. Huh, your grace... it's running a little low isn't it? You really weren't kidding when you said you needed a break. What are you doing in Kansas? Are you walking home? And what are you wearing?" 

The familiar face gave them pause.

"Gabriel?" Cas spoke first.

"Uh, yeah, why are you acting like you've seen a ghost? How unwell are you?" The archangel asked, glancing at the Winchesters. "Oh, hellooo, and who might you be?"

"Friends," Dean managed to splutter.

"Well hello, friends." He turned his attention back to Cas. "You look worn, little bro, let's get you home," With a snap of his fingers the four of them were suddenly standing in what looked to be a cottage. 

"There we go...hold on," Gabriel frowned lifting his head like a smell caught his attention.

"Gabriel, is that you?"

All heads turned to see another familiar face.

Dean's jaw dropped, "Cas?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!😊


	3. Castiel

The room was suddenly tense as Cas stared at his own face. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem, only no mirror was present.

"Whoa," Gabriel glanced between the two Castiel's.

"You're not from here," Castiel frowned, stepping forward. He was similar to Cas in a lot of ways. He wore the same bright blue eyes and had the same tousled dark brown hair, however he dressed very different. Instead of the suit and trench coat, he was dawning a set of jeans with worn knees and a black button down, which was unbuttoned, over a grey t shirt.

"No," Cas answered gruffly, his eyes narrowing at the other angel.

"That makes more sense," Gabriel nodded in understanding.

"How'd you get here?" Castiel asked.

"We're not sure. We walked into a building and something beamed us here," Dean answered, his eyes set on the familiar looking angel.

"Hmmm," Castiel hummed as if thinking.

Sam remained silent, his eyes were set on Gabriel, a frown embedded in his brows.

"Sam, it's not him," Dean nudged his brother upon noticing Sam's silence.

"Not who?" Gabriel asked then, his eyes now finding Sam's.

"Gabriel. Our Gabriel," Sam answered finally, dropping his eyes.

"You know me?" Gabriel seemed to light up at the idea.

"We did," Sam answered quietly.

"Did?" Gabriel looked to Dean then.

"Our Gabriel, he gave his life for us," Dean glanced at a stiff Sam. It was a sensitive topic. They blamed themselves.

"Oh," Gabriel frowned then. His hand came up to rest of Sam's shoulder. "I'm sure he thought it was worth it."

"Why'd you bring them here?" Castiel asked, his tone wasn't angry, more curious than anything.

"I thought he was you, he's a bit depleted and I thought..." Gabriel trailed off.

Castiel stepped towards Cas. "I sense that. The trip must have taken it out of you."

Cas' already tense shoulders tensed further.

"Look, we don't mean any trouble, but if you could maybe point us in the right direction on how to get home..." Sam trailed off, his attention now away from the archangel.

"I don't think it's gonna be that easy. There aren't many things that can beam you across universes. There's a monster I've heard of, but they're supposed to be extinct. It's called a Viator. I'm assuming you guys are caught up on the whole monsters are real, seeing as how you're hanging out with Cassie over here," Gabriel gestured to Cas.

Castiel cleared his throat.

"Oh, sorry, Castiel," Gabriel gave his brother an apologetic look.

"We're well versed on the monster lifestyle," Dean piped in then. His eyes still on Castiel.

"You're hunters?" Castiel asked almost excitedly.

"Yes."

"And you've never come up on a Viator?" 

"Never heard of them."

"Like he said, extinct," Castiel gestured towards Gabriel. 

"You know hunters?" Sam asked then, stepping forward like the revelation was the best news he'd heard all day.

"I am one," Castiel smiled. It was the same smile Cas wore, only less stone and more friendly.

"You're a hunter?" Dean raised a brow, "Aren't you an angel?"

"Isn't he an angel?" Castiel gestured to Cas.

"Yeah, but he's not a hunter," Dean responded, glancing at Cas who remained unmoving.

"Oh, well I am."

"That's great, could you point us in the direction of a Bobby Singer?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Bobby Singer?" Castiel frowned.

"Yeah, he's a well known hunter in our world."

"Don't know any Bobby Singer. I know an Amber Singer, but she's only been hunting for about three years. Lost her dad to a demon attack," Castiel explained thoughtfully.

"Okay, what about, Jodie Mills or Donna Hanscum?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Nope, don't ring any bells."

"This is just great," Dean threw his hands up in exasperation.

"I didn't catch your names, what were they?" Castiel asked then, stepping forward with an outstretched hand.

"Dean. This my brother, Sam. And you know who this is." He gestured first to Sam then to Cas.

"Dean and Sam," Castiel repeated as if committing it to memory.

"You don't happen to know any hunters by the name of Winchester, do you?" Sam tried again, taking Castiel's hand next.

"No, sorry." 

Sam let out a sigh.

"What about Campbell?" Dean tried.

"Yeah, I knew a Samuel a few years back, but a rugaru got him last year," Castiel gave a sympathetic smile.

"Our best chances of getting home is what then?" Cas asked, looking between Gabriel and the other him.

"Well we could try and find out if there are any Viator left...other than that...Even I don't have that kind of power," Gabriel shrugged.

"You're more than welcome to stay here until we find a way," Castiel offered with a smile.

"Really?" Dean asked a little too eagerly.

"Of course, Dean," Castiel nodded.

Cas' jaw clenched. That was a phrase he said to Dean often. It was simple but it was strange hearing it come from someone who looked just like him. The smile it earned from the hunter did nothing to ease Cas' annoyance either.

"It's not weird seeing your...alternate self?" Sam asked then gesturing between the identical angels.

"It's super weird, but I know I can trust him," Castiel grinned. "Come on, it's more comfortable in here. We can get to know each other. I'm sure you all could use a break. I know he could," He gestured to his identical counterpart.

Cas frowned, but said nothing.

"So if we don't exist here, or at least not as hunters, then why'd you fall?" Dean asked Castiel as he led them to what looked to be the living room.

"I didn't fall," Castiel frowned taking a seat.

"He ditched with me," Gabriel grinned, taking a seat next to Sam. A bit closer than necessary.

"Wait, you ditched heaven with Gabriel? Wasn't that like...a million years ago?" Dean looked between Gabriel and Castiel with raised brows. He never imagined Cas would have been the type to ditch for no reason.

"I questioned things," Castiel shrugged. "And it was...I don't even know how long ago."

"Then how do you look like that? Cas only took his vessel like eight or nine years ago," Dean looked at Cas who had taken a seat in a lounge chair across the room.

"Doppleganger. Every angel vessel has dopplegangers. It's what makes them able to contain our visage. Your vessel is a direct descendant of mine. Well, in your world," Castiel explained.

"Does that mean Sam and I have a..."Dean trailed off, not quite sure what the word was again.

"No, you were specially crafted to be the vessel's of Michael and Lucifer, that's very different," Cas answered.

"Whoa, wait, you're the true vessel's of Michael and Lucifer?" Gabriel turned to Sam.

"We were. But we averted the apocalypse," Sam answered stiffly.

"The apocalypse. That hasn't come to pass here yet. I sure hope we have two of you when it does," Castiel smiled at Dean.

Cas' jaw clenched once again. He really had no reason do dislike his alternate self and yet he was seething.

"You guys must be starving. Let me whip something together for dinner." Castiel stood then.

"Oh we wouldn't want to impose," Sam shook his head, earning a pout from his brother.

"You don't really have anywhere else to go and I have a couple spare rooms you can use. I take in the occasional hunter when need be. You're more than welcome to stay here until we find you a way home. I don't mind," Castiel smiled hopefully at the brothers.

Cas glared at the other angel as Sam and Dean agreed. He did not like this one bit. Not only did this other angel look just like him, he was stronger and more socialized, and Dean seemed to like him. Cas couldn't wait to get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!😊


	4. Weird

Gabriel had offered to show the brothers to their rooms. Cas didn't need one as he didn't sleep but he followed along anyway.

"You alright, Cas? I'm sure it's weird seeing your alternate self," Dean whispered to the angel.

"It's a bit unnerving, but he seems...nice," Cas answered flatly. He really had no reason to dislike the other angel.

"It's strange cause he's you but you're nothing alike."

"Here you go," Gabriel stopped in the hall pointing at rooms opposite each other. "One for each of you."

"Thanks again," Dean gave Gabriel a pat on the back.

"Sure thing," Gabriel smiled, his eyes falling to Cas next. "You're not recharging very fast, you feelin' okay?"

"Fine," Cas nodded, following Dean into his room.

"You're not gonna offer to look after me, are you? I'll be fine," Dean sighed as he examined the room.

"No, I suppose that's not necessary," Cas frowned. He didn't like the wedge that had been growing between him and the hunter. There was so much tension and he wasn't sure where it came from.

"You sure you're alright?" Dean noted the way the tension in Cas' shoulders hadn't left since their arrival.

"I'm fine. I should check on Sam."

Dean watched as the angel walked away. He let out a sigh.

"So what's with you two?" Gabriel asked stepping into the room, he glanced over to where Cas was talking with Sam now.

"What do you mean?" Dean frowned. It still felt weird to be talking to Gabriel. Gabriel had been dead for three years now was it?

"There's an odd tension between you two."

"There was an incident where he fell, all the angels did. Lost his wings and his grace has suffered from being cut off from heaven. He blames himself and yeah it was technically his fault but...he was tricked, he didn't know that was going to happen. He was human for a while. That was straining. I guess he's not really the same."

Gabriel's jaw had dropped. "I couldn't imagine losing my wings or my grace, he must be really struggling with it."

"I guess, he won't really talk about it," Dean shrugged.

"Give him time," Gabriel gave a sympathetic smile.

Dean watched as Cas laughed at something Sam said. Things really hadn't been the same since the fall. Yet he and Sam seemed just the same. He wondered if it was just him. That thought didn't sit well with him.

"He in the kitchen?" Dean asked gesturing down the hall.

"Yeah."

Dean nodded and headed down the stairs. He was curious about this other Castiel.

"Heya, Cas, er uh... can I help?" Dean asked, rounding the corner. It felt weird calling another angel Cas.

Castiel looked up with surprise. "Oh, hello Dean, yes sure. Can you cut these onions for me?"

Dean took the knife from the angel and started cutting.

"It must be weird to meet Gabriel and I."

Dean nodded, "Cas is my best friend, seeing a second one of him is...definitely weird. But you're different. You remind me of...someone else." He recalled the time Zachariah threw him into the future. He'd met future Cas then and this Cas reminded him a lot of that one, perhaps less high. But no less human.

"You're not like anyone I've met before," Castiel smiled at Dean.

"I hope that's a good thing."

"I don't see why not." 

Dean tossed a smile at the angel. He definitely liked this Cas.

"Ahem," Cas cleared his throat from the door, alerting Dean and Castiel that he was there.

"Hey, Cas, where's Sam?"

"Gabriel is showing him the rather extensive collection of lore books in...his library," Cas couldn't call the other angel by his name it was too weird.

"Of course, Sam always has his nose in a book," Dean said to Castiel.

Cas' stomach twisted at the smile the pair shared. They were way too chummy for being strangers. 

"So what are we making?" Dean asked, turning back to the onions.

"Beef stew," Castiel answered, "Can I interest either of you in a beer?" he asked, pulling two from the fridge along with a carton of beef broth.

"You drink beer?" Dean's face lit up.

"Yes, Gabriel introduced it to me. I've grown rather fond of it," He handed one to Dean before offering the other to Cas.

"I'm fine," Cas turned it down simply.

Castiel shrugged before twisting the cap off and taking a sip for himself.

"So you eat for fun?" Dean asked, taking a swig of his own beer.

"I learned for something to do. It took me a while to get into the business of hunting. I've only been hunting for the last fifty years or so. Before that I followed Gabriel around. He can miracle anything he wants into being. I'm not that powerful, just a Seraphim and all."

"Oh you're plenty strong, Cassie," Gabriel piped in then, stepping into the kitchen.

"I'm no archangel," Castiel shook his head.

Cas tensed at the talk of angel strengths. He decided it was time to find Sam. 

"Sam, have you found anything interesting?" Cas asked, stepping into the tiny room piled high with books. There were bookshelves that reached the ceiling and piles stacked in front of them. There were chairs with piles on them and tables with journals scattered across them.

"Yeah, Castiel has kept a record book, sort of like dad's. It's got every hunt he's ever run in it. Tips, tricks and things that he learned worked. It's great. I've already read a few things I didn't know."

Sam was like a kid in a candy shop.

"How's Dean?" Sam looked up at the angel then.

"He's cooking with..." Cas trailed off, letting out a huff.

"Hey, I know it's not ideal, but he's being really helpful and Dean's just comfortable cause he's you."

"He's not me," Cas snapped. He didn't like being thought of as two people. Dean was spending time with someone else, not him.

Sam gave a frustrated look, "You know what I mean. He sees him as an extension of you. He trusts you so he trusts him."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Cas narrowed his eyes at Sam.

Sam frowned at Cas, "Are you jealous?"

"No, I'm an angel, I don't get jealous. I'm just uncomfortable not being in our universe with another version of me and my brother whom we know to be dead," Cas snapped again. He didn't mean to be moody, he really didn't but this was too much, even for him.

"Fair enough," Sam conceded. He couldn't pretend to know what Cas was going through, but he knew that it was taking a toll on the angel, and his relationship with Dean. 

Cas grabbed a book and decided to make himself useful. He'd rather not watch Dean interact with this other version of himself, it would likely only stand to frustrate him further. Besides, the sooner they found a way home, the sooner this nightmare could end.


	5. Get it

The sound of footsteps pulled Cas from the book he was reading. He wasn't sure how long he'd been absorbed in the book but he guess it was a while as Sam had left to eat and now Dean was walking in.

"Hey, Cas," The oldest Winchester glanced around the room, his eyes scanning the many books.

"Dean," Cas set his book aside, giving Dean his full attention. "Is something wrong?"

"No. No, I just...you been in here a while. Wanted to make sure you didn't fall asleep." It was obviously a joke but Cas didn't catch on.

"I don't sleep, Dean. Not anymore," Cas' tone was snappy and harsh.

"Yeah, I-" Dean cut himself off, "What's with you, man? You've been uptight for weeks." 

Cas' clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowed at the hunter. "Perhaps it's the stick in my ass."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Still mad about that one?"

"No, I'm just mad in general," Cas huffed, running a hand over his face.

"At..." Dean urged him to continue. 

"Look around, Dean, we're in another reality. This isn't supposed to be possible. I don't know how we're gonna get back or if we can. And while you're drinking with..." Cas gestured towards the door as if Castiel was standing there. "I'm trying to find a way home."

"Look I get it man, okay? You can't just snap your fingers and do what you want anymore, but you gotta stop taking it out on me." Dean's tone was sharp now too.

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say because in an instant Cas was on his feet, "No, Dean, you don't get it. I lost everything, my wings, my grace, my brothers and sisters. I had nothing and I came to the one person I thought I could count on and you weren't there."

"I didn't have a choice. Sam's life was-" Dean cut himself off. "I'm sorry, man, I am. I didn't...I didn't know what to do. I thought I'd lost you and I was about to lose Sam too. When he made me promise..." Dean trailed off, his eyes dropping to the floor.

Cas didn't say anything. They'd had this conversation already. Dean had apologized but it didn't change how Cas felt. Dean didn't care about him unless he was useful and he wasn't.

"Look, being here, it sucks and it's weird as hell but I've you and I've got Sam and we're alive. Nobody knows us here. We don't have to worry about angels or demons looking for blood. We can breathe. And I'm sorry if I'm taking advantage of that for a minute," Dean huffed, his hand carding through his cinnamon strands.

"You can't possible by considering staying here," Cas frowned.

"No, of course not, but I need a minute. I don't know if you've noticed but life's been kicking me in the balls lately."

"You aren't the only one, Dean," Cas growled out.

"You're right, and I'm sorry," Dean's green eyes stared sympathetically at Cas.

"Well, while you 'take a minute' I'm gonna keep trying to find a way out of here," Cas reclaimed his previous seat.

Dean let out a heavy sigh. He hated when he and Cas fought but it seemed like that's all they did lately.

"I'm going to bed, I'll see you in the morning."

Cas didn't respond as he walked out.

Dean rejoined the others in the living room.

"How's Cas?" Sam asked his brother, looking up from the computer screen he, Castiel and Gabriel were huddled around.

"He's...testy tonight," Dean gave a forced half smile before nodding at the computer. "What's up?"

"A case," Sam answered.

Dean tilted his head in question, "You want to go on a hunt?" 

"It's local and Cas- er Castiel said they've been up to their ears lately," Sam shrugged.

Dean leaned over Castiel's shoulder.

"Seems like a quick hunt, probably a couple ghouls. Wanna take care of it tonight?" 

"Aren't you tired, Dean?" Castiel frowned at the hunter.

"I always sleep best after a good hunt," Dean winked earning a grin from Castiel.

"I'll grab my bag," Castiel stood then. 

"Sam and I'll will keep researching here with the other Cas, as you call him," Gabriel smiled.

"You could take Cas with you, might make him feel better," Sam offered.

"No," Dean answered quickly, "Like I said he's testy, it wouldn't benefit either of us for him to come with. Besides, Castiel's at full power, he can do more than Cas can."

"Dean," Sam scolded.

"What? I'm just saying."

"I hope you don't say that crap around him, no wonder you two are so pissy with each other," Sam shook his head.

"I thought it was the sexual tension," Gabriel piped in with a smirk.

"Well that too," Sam laughed, his eyes meeting Gabriel's.

"Ha ha, very funny," Dean snapped.

"Ready?" Castiel asked, walking back in then, a duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. 

"Yes," Dean agreed eagerly. He got tired of Sam's jokes about his and Cas' relationship years ago. Mostly cause they hit too close to home.

"Here, I keep a few burners around for emergency. I went ahead and programmed numbers for you. Gabe, myself and then I put yourselves in as well. Didn't know if...Cas would want one, but there's a spare in the back room if he does. Gabe you know where it is." Castiel handed Dean and Sam each a phone.

"Thanks, and be careful," Sam nodded.

"Shall we?" Dean gestured for Castiel to lead the way. He felt bad going off to hunt with Castiel and not even telling Cas, but he had a feeling that the angel wasn't exactly a fan of his double. Besides the tension between them would only get worse. Cas wouldn't even notice he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to pick up, hope you like it.


	6. Demoniac

The smell of blood was thick in the air as Dean followed Castiel into the Mausoleum. Four dissapearances in three days in this particular graveyard. It was likely a ghouls nest that got the taste for fresh meat when the dead weren't satisfying enough. Dean had seen it before.

"Dean," Castiel put an arm out to keep him from stepping on what looked to be a sigil of sorts.

"What is that?" Dean frowned, not recognizing the markings.

"It's demoniac," Castiel answered, his eyes scanning the walls where more sigils had been painted.

"Demoniac?" Dean repeated with a confused frown.

"It's the language of demons," Castiel answered. "You don't know it?"

"No, in fact, I've never even heard of it," Dean shook his head. "Is it like Enochian?"

"You know Enochian?" Castiel lit up at the prospect.

"I know what it is, and I know how to use some of the sigils, but I can't read it."

"Demoniac is similar, it's not used very often. This place was used to summon someone very powerful recently. I don't think it'd be wise to stick around," Castiel took a step back.

"Like who?" Dean asked worriedly.

A smooth voice spoke up from behind the hunters, "Like me."

-

"Cas, I need you, please-" Cas perked up at the sound of Dean's prayer. Panic swelled through him at the way it cut off.

"Dean?" Cas hurried out of the room and up the stairs to the brother's rooms.

He shoved open the door to Dean's room to see it empty and the bed untouched. 

"Sam?" Cas yelled next, barging into the other room.

"Cas?" Sam blinked, sitting up in bed.

"Where's Dean?" Cas demanded.

"Dean? Uh, I don't...I don't know. What time is it?" Sam blinked, his sleep ridden eyes trying to focus them.

"Nearly midnight," Cas snapped. "Dean's not in his room. He prayed to me, but it got cut off. Something is wrong."

This woke Sam up completely. "A hunt, he went on a hunt with Cas...tiel." 

"He what?" Cas growled, anger flashed in his blue eyes.

"There were a few disappearances in a graveyard up the road. They were gonna go clear it out. It was probably just a couple ghouls. What did he say?" Sam was out of bed now and pulling on a shirt.

"He said he needed my help and then he cut off. Where did they go?" Cas was angry, beyond angry in fact, but more than anything he was worried.

"Where's Gabriel?" Sam followed after Cas as he headed down the stairs.

"Hey, what's all the ruckus about?" Gabriel asked, appearing at the base of the stairs.

"Have you heard from Castiel?" Sam asked as Cas blew past the archangel.

"No, why, is something wrong?" Gabriels' tone instantly grew worried.

"Dean sent at prayer to Cas saying he needed help but he got cut off."

"I thought a ghoul hunt was taking too long," Gabriel nodded. "Come on."

With a snap of his fingers the three of them were now standing on the outskirts of the graveyard Castiel and Dean had gone to.

"There's Cassie's car," Gabriel pointed at the white Infiniti parked outside the gate.

"We should be careful, whatever it is could still be here," Sam whispered.

"Hold on," Gabriel grabbed Sam's arm and pointed across the yard. That building has wardings all over it.

"I don't see them," Cas frowned. Was he really that weak? The thought sat heavy on Cas' shoulders.

"It's old Demoniac, only an archangel would be able to see it. They were meant to be hidden."

"Demoniac?" Sam frowned at the unfamiliar term.

"That's a myth," Cas shook his head. He'd heard of it but never seen evidence of the language.

"It's the language of demons. Something big went down here," Gabriel shook his head.

"What do the markings mean?" Sam asked, taking a step closer as if he would be able to see them.

"It renders angel's powerless," Gabriel sighed. "Meaning Castiel wouldn't have been able to use his powers."

"So whatever it is, has both of them?" Sam ran a hand through his hair. The thought of Castiel with Dean had been his only solice. Now he was beginning to panic.

Cas pushed past Sam and Gabriel, towards the mausoleum. 

"Cas what are you doing?" Sam hurried to catch up to the angry angel.

"Dean is in there," Cas snapped, turning to face Sam when the hunter pulled him back.

"We don't know that. And you heard Gabriel, angels are powerless in there. We need a plan."

"The plan was to get back home, not play hunters in a world we don't know," Cas yanked his arm from Sam's.

"Cas," Sam continued to follow the angel.

"How could you let him go alone?" Cas growled, his voice lower than normal.

"He wasn't alone, he had Castiel with him."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Cas scoffed. "And why wasn't I made aware of these plans?"

"Dean didn't want you to know," Sam's voice dropped volume slightly, as if Cas wasn't supposed to hear.

Cas didn't respond to that. His chest constricted in a way that reminded him Dean didn't care about him. He wondered how long he would continue to follow after the Winchester like a lost puppy. Sam made him feel like he was family but that was Sam's nature. Sam cared about everyone. But Dean...he was selective. Cas had thought they were family. Had allowed himself to fall for the hunter, in more ways than one. And now he knew how wrong he had been. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't help the way he felt when Dean's laugh reached his ears or the way his smile lit up his insides. He would do anything for Dean, even still. Perhaps that made him desperate, stupid, clingy. But he loved Dean; had fallen in love with his soul almost instantly. That wasn't just something he could walk away from. In fact, he was walking into what was likely a death trap because of how much he cared. But if he went out, this is how he'd want it to go, fighting for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. 😊


	7. Karma

The stench of mildew and copper filled Dean's nose as he came to. His eyes struggled to focus in the darkness.

"Ah, about time you're awake," A velvety voice had Dean craning his neck up to see the figure walking towards him.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean growled: his voice was gruff as if raw. The memory of his lips mumbling the small prayer to Cas before getting his throat crushed in an angry grasp, hit him.

"Karma," The woman smiled. She looked hellish. Her wild black strands in disarray on her head. A set of glasses perched on the end of her nose were crooked and smudged with dirt. Her outfit was a torn and bloodied ensemble, trying desperately to resemble a pantsuit.

"Karma? Is that supposed to be a joke?" Dean sneered. He tugged on the rope that bound his hands behind his back. His arms were strained around a stone pillar

"Do I look like I'm joking?" The woman spat. Her heels clicked as she stepped closer to Dean before kneeling down in front of him. "Karma is my name."

Dean only frowned.

"Karma, the fourth fate sister," Castiel spoke from across the way, he looked as rough as Dean felt. He had an unhealing cut on his head and he too was tied to a tone support.

"Fate?" Dean blinked. I thought there were only three of you?"

"Wrong. I was the first. The oldest. Before I was cast out."

"Great," Dean lulled his head back against the pole he was tied to. "A pissed of sister of fate. My favorite." 

"What do you want with us?" Castiel asked, trying to use his powers to free himself, but to no avail.

"When I was cast out, I was cast into the pit. I was cut off from heaven. My powers are weak. So I have to use sacrificial magic to gain my strength. I can't leave here until I'm at full power, and well...not many people come through here. But you...you're guilt is so heavy I can use that to my advantage. See, most people ignore their guilt but not you. You let it consume you and that's a magical thing. With the right spell I can sacrifice you and this angel of yours and I'll be all too powerful," Karma purred, running a blood stained finger down the side of Dean's face.

Dean grit his teeth.

"See it's not the people I'm sacrificing. It's their guilt."

"How'd you get out?" Dean asked, still trying to free himself, not that he knew what he'd do when he got out.

"Oh the poor soul. His wife was killed by a drunk driver. The bastard got charged with involuntary manslaughter and a few years in prison. He was free again. Just let out a month ago. So the poor widowed man found a spell to raise me up. Inthe graveyard where his wife was buried. I convinced him to bring the man here on fake pretense of closing old wounds. The man agreed."

"So you killed them both," Castiel guessed.

"I didn't want to. But I needed the sacrifice. The man got what he deserved. And I got just a little bit stronger."

Dean swallowed hard. This wasn't going to end well for him.

-

Gabriel caught Cas' arm, keeping him from going into the mausoleum. "Wait, you really shouldn't go in there."

Cas turned with murderous eyes. "And why not?"

"This spell work, it's for Karma."

"Karma? You mean the fourth fate sister?" Cas frowned, glancing at the walls of stone where Gabriel was looking.

"There's a fourth one?" Sam raised his brows in surprise.

"She was the oldest. She went rogue. Decided that it wasn't fair that they were killing innocent people just so that something could happen years in the future as a result. So she took fate into her own hands. Disobeyed orders and killed those who were deserving of it."

"Karma," Sam nodded in understanding.

"It's where the term came from. She was cast out and into the pit. Someone used dark magic to raise her up." Gabriel finished.

"She's what's been causing the disappearances?" Sam frowned.

"It's likely sacrificial magic. She'd have to draw her power from something, and she's cut off from heaven completely. People's guilt is what makes her strong."

"So what you're telling me is that Dean, the king of guilt, was taken by a woman who literally depends on it for power, and you don't want me to go in there?" Cas snarled, taking an angry step towards Gabriel.

"These wards make you powerless, what are you going to do to stop her?" Gabriel threw his hands up in exasperation.

"He's got a point Cas. We can't help Dean if we're caught too. We'll just end up being her next victims. We need to be smart about this," Sam sighed, running a stressed hand through his hair.

"We don't have time to be smart about this. Dean could be sacrificed any moment. He might already be-" Cas cut himself off. His chest clenching in agony at the thought.

"Cas, you can't think like that. We'll get him back," Sam's own voice waivered with uncertainty. He turned to Gabriel then. "How do we kill her, or send her back at least?" 

"A blade. It can kill any Deity. It's a weapon of heaven," Cas answered, recalling the time he had planned to use it on Atropos. 

"Where can we find it?" 

Gabriel shrugged, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"Can we break these sigils? Or disrupt them somehow?" Sam turned to the large stone building as if he would be able to see the invisible marks.

"Yes, but it takes a strong spell. We'd have to collect all the ingredients and find the spell so we don't say it wrong. It might waste too much time," Gabriel started to fidget as if he was uncomfortable with the repetitive bad news.

"Then what do you propose we do?" Cas growled out impatiently.

"I can collect the ingredients and find the spell while you two keep her from killing Dean and Castiel. It's not a great plan, but it's something."

"And how are we supposed to keep her busy without getting killed ourselves?" 

"I just need half an hour."

"Half an hour?" Sam scoffed. This was something Dean would come up with.

Gabriel reached out, placing a hand on the side of Sam's cheek. 

Sam stiffened under the gentle touch.

"I don't know you very well, but I trust you, the other me did anyway. And I'd like to think that he did so because you gave him reason. My little brother is in there with your big brother. I know you can do this. Just give me thirty minutes."

Sam swallowed and nodded.

A blink later and Gabriel was gone.

"Ready Cas?" Sam asked pulling out his gun. 

Cas nodded, his angel blade already out.


	8. The plan

The press of Sam next to Cas did nothing to relax him as they stepped through the threshold. Normally having the Winchesters at his side was a relief, but too much was at stake. Dean's life. He never should have trusted this other Castiel. 

Sam was no less tense as they walked through the crypt. They reached a small opening with narrow stone steps that lead below ground. 

Sam went to go in first, but Cas pulled him back. If either of them were to go first, it should be him. Dean would want Sam safe first and foremost. 

He stepped into the dingy smelling room. He tried to focus his eyes but the wards left him merely human. 

The sound of Dean's voice caught Cas' attention. Relief washed over both him and Sam. Dean was alive.

"So why the dramatics, why not just kill us?" Dean's voice asked, directing Sam and Cas towards the hunter.

"This isn't a slaughterhouse, there's a ritual," A soft voice spat. Karma, Sam guessed. He had only barely had a run in with Fate once and it hadn't gone terribly well, he couldn't imagine how this would go.

"You get Dean, I'll get Castiel," Sam whispered as his brother came into view.

Cas grabbed Sam's arm, "No, leave him, he can be her sacrifice and we'll get Dean out."

"Cas," Sam huffed disapprovingly. He knew Cas wasn't a fan of Castiel but that was harsh. 

"Oh we have company," The soft voice hummed halting the conversation from going any further.

Just thirty minutes, Sam thought. He could distract for thirty minutes, right?

"Oh these two are just as ripe as you are," The woman suddenly was in front of them, her lips pulled into a malicious grin.

"Sam?" Dean's voice asked worriedly when he caught sight of the taller man.

Cas in a desperate attempt to keep the woman from grabbing Sam's arm, thrust his angel blade into her chest.

She let out a cry and stumbled back.

Sam made a beeline for Castiel and Cas backed towards Dean, not taking his eyes off Karma.

"You petulant fool," She yanked the blade from her chest, blood staining her already stained top.

"Cas," Dean breathed out in relief as the angel fought to undo the binds that held him.

"You think you can defeat me so easily?" She cackled, tossing the blade aside.

Cas didn't answer as he pulled the final ropes from Dean's wrists.

Another yelp and she doubled over, Castiel's own angel blade stuck out of her back.

"Come on," Sam ushered Dean and Cas towards the steps but Karma waved her hand and threw Sam back into the wall, his head hit harshly against the cement walls.

"Sam," Dean yelled out before bolting towards the other hunter.

"Dean," Cas and Castiel shouted as the same time.

Castiel grabbed the gun that hand been knocked from Sam's hand while Cas went after Dean.

Three loud pops and Karma was on her knees, one bullet it each knee and one in her forehead.

It only kept her down for about ten seconds, but that was enough time for Dean to reach Sam.

"Sam, Sammy, Come on damn it," Dean shook his unconscious brother. Blood pooled slowly behind his head.

"You have to get him out of here," Cas demanded, glancing over his shoulder at the already recovering sister of Fate.

Dean shoved his gun into Cas' hand before he lifted his brother. 

Cas pulled the trigger, landing a bullet in her outstretched hand, preventing whatever spell she was about to do.

Castiel popped her with another one. The two angels took turns threading her with bullets, long enough for Dean to get Sam up the stairs.

When Dean pushed out the door, he laid Sam outside safe enough distance away from the threat before bolting back inside.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Castiel shouted when Dean appeared back at the top of the stairs.

"I'm not leaving you, either of you," Dean growled.

Castiel pulled the trigger once more to keep Karma from using a spell on Dean, but the trigger simply clicked. He was out.

Cas took the opportunity to kick a discarded blade towards the other angel as he shot his final bullet.

"Cas, come on," Dean urged the angel to follow him.

Castiel threw his blade landing it in her ribs. 

That was it, they were out of weapons.

"Enough," She shouted, raising her hands up and pulling them down harshly.

This forced Dean and both angels to their knees. 

"I will not be treated like some pagan whore," She clenched her hands and suddenly the two angels were struggling for air.

"No," Dean shouted, trying desperately to get to either one of them. But he was stuck, unable to move.

"Twins," Karma sneered at the angels, "I should make you choose, but you won't live long enough to feel the guilt."

Dean swallowed. He glanced around for something, anything. But it was no use. He was stuck. At least Sam was okay, but now Cas was in this mess too. He looked to the struggling angel. He was gripping at his throat desperately.

"What do you want? I'll give you anything," Dean couldn't watch Cas die, not because of him.

"You have nothing to give. Your guilt is all I want and this one is just as guilt ridden as you. It's pathetic really, how sad and burdened you two are. Honestly, death will be a mercy. Now be a good little boy and don't move."

Suddenly the three of them were bound. She had released the angels so they could breathe again.

"Cas, please tell me you have a plan for getting us out of here," Dean pleaded, his eyes searching the angel's blue ones.

"We just need five more minutes," Cas spoke with a raw voice. 

"Five minutes won't make a bit of difference," Karma laughed, "You can't kill me and your angels are powerless in here so long as my wards are still-"

Suddenly loud snapping could be heard. Like the sound of a thousand rubber bands breaking. 

"What? How?" Karma glared at Cas. "What have you done?"

Cas could feel the swell of power returning to him as the wards were broken. Gabriel had done it. 

Cas broke his binds and reached for Dean. A hand landed on his shoulder, breaking his own binds and healing his wounds at the same time.

Karma started chanting a spell with an urgency that worried Cas. But before he could do anything, Castiel snapped them out of the mausoleum and next to Sam.

Gabriel was knelt by the younger Winchester, and just as Dean reached his brother's side, he opened his eyes.

"Sam," Dean breathed out in relief.

"He had a pretty bad head bleed, but he's fine now," Gabriel smiled down at Sam.

"Thank you," Sam said sitting up.

"Getting yourself killed wasn't part of the plan," Gabriel winked.

Sam gave a breathy laugh. He was just relieved that the plan had worked at all. That gave them time to figure out what to do about Karma. For now though, they were safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute. I promise to update sooner! Let me know what you think!😊


	9. You're family

Dean could feel Cas' glare on him as they walked out of the graveyard and towards Castiel's car. He knew what was coming, he just hoped to wait until no one else was around to get into it. When he and Cas got into it things tended to get personal quick. Thankfully Cas said nothing as the three of them crammed into the back of the small white car.

Gabriel, hoping to distract from the tense silence, cleared his throat. "So Karma being in town is a bad thing. She's unkillable without the proper weapon which is in the wind at the moment so we'll need to find a spell that can send her back to the pit."

"I have several books on deities I'm sure we can find one that will work. For now, we should just take preventative measures. Close off the graveyard and make sure she doesn't get the sacrifices she needs. I'll go into the station and talk to the sheriff," Castiel nodded in agreement.

"We'll help in any way we can," Sam added. He felt Cas tense next to him.

"You sure? I know you guys want to get home," Castiel glanced in his rearview mirror, his eyes landing on Dean who was busying himself with looking out the window.

"We can do both," Sam answered, his eyes glancing to Gabriel.

Cas narrowed his eyes at Sam but said nothing. 

When the car pulled in front of Castiel's house Dean was happy to escape it. He stayed back, allowing Gabriel and Sam to walk ahead while he helped Castiel get the bags from the trunk.

Cas walked to the edge of the woods to try and calm down. He was so angry, it was all he could do not to snap at Dean.

Castiel noted the way Dean glanced nervously towards the other angel.

"I'll get these," He nodded at Cas then, urging Dean to go talk to him.

Dean knew it wouldn't go well but he did feel the need to apologize.

"Cas?" Dean spoke gently as he approached.

The angel didn't respond or make any move to look at Dean.

"Look, I know you're pissed but-"

"Do you?" Cas snapped, finally turning to face the hunter.

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious," Dean gestured to Cas' tense stance.

"Why would you do that?" Cas sounded betrayed like Dean had done it to deliberately hurt him. "And you kept it from me."

Dean dropped his head. "I'm sorry. I knew you wouldn't let me go alone and..." 

"You didn't want me there," Cas guessed, finishing for him.

"Things have been really tense between us lately," Dean huffed, his shoulders slumping forward.

"Was this supposed to make that better?" Cas growled. He hated how tense things were but this was too much.

"I don't know how to fix things with you. I know I screwed up and I'm sorry, man, I really am. I should have been there for you and I wasn't. But is it always gonna be like this? Because I can't do that. You're family, Cas and I can't...I can't handle this."

Cas turned away, unable to look at Dean's sad green eyes. It hurt him.

"Do you know how I felt when I received your prayer? It was interrupted and I could only think the worst. When Sam told me you went off with...him," Cas grit his teeth. "Then we found out it was Karma and...Dean, you're too important to me. I can't lose you or Sam, don't you get that?" 

Dean dropped his head when Cas turned his icy stare back on him.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you? Cause I can't help but worry what you're gonna do next," Cas' tone was just as cold as his eyes.

"You don't trust me," Realization hit Dean like a ton of bricks.

"You're wreckless and I'm..." Cas cut himself off, this was not the time to go down that road.

"You're what?" Dean pressed.

"Nothing."

"Don't do that. If you have something to say then say it."

Cas didn't respond.

"You're what, Cas?" Dean demanded taking a half step towards the angel.

"I'm not of any use to you anymore. There, happy?" Cas snapped. "I'm just a broken angel."

Dean's head dropped. He knew it was his fault Cas felt that way. He wished he could take it back. Undo the damage but there was no way to. "You know that's not true. You may be less powered but you're not here as a utility, Cas. You're family."

Cas shook his head. "You told me you needed a break and that's why you weren't in a rush to get back home. So why? Why go with him? Why take the case?"

"I just thought it was a simple ghoul hunt. Cas -tiel had been talking about how overwhelmed the hunter community was lately and I didn't think it'd be a big deal."

"Tell me something, Dean, are you really just not in a hurry cause you want the breather, or are you just a fan of Castiel?" Cas spit the name even though it was his as well.

"What?" Dean blinked at the angel.

"Sam has barely taken his eyes off Gabriel since we arrived. Gabriel alive, full powered hunter Castiel. It's what you both want. Why would you be in a rush to get home?" Cas' tone was accusing as were his eyes.

"You really think that's what this is about?" Dean was getting frustrated now.

"I can't help but wonder," Cas snapped.

"Damn it, Cas. Can you stop making problems where there isn't one. Don't make this a competition. He's not you. I know that," Dean ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

Cas only glared at Dean before walking past him and back towards the house.

Dean wouldn't lie, he was fond of this hunter Castiel, but no one could ever replace his angel. Cas had to know that, right? Dean decided to just chalk it up to Cas being upset. He'd calm down and realize he was just imagining things. Cause really, Sam sticking around for Gabriel? Not likely.


	10. Harm's way

Cas pushed the door open only to be greeted by his double. In an attempt to ignore him, Cas stepped by to head back to the library to continue to find a way back.

"Wait," Castiel caught his arm before he had the chance.

Cas clenched his jaw to keep from responding harshly as he stopped in his tracks.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I know Dean means a lot to you."

"We don't belong here. Dean doesn't belong here. You should concern yourself with getting him back to where he belongs instead of trying to get him killed," Cas snapped.

"I didn't mean to put him in harms way like that. He's an amazing hunter and an incredible brother. I know he's important to you. He said you were his best friend and I just want you to know that I never intended to let anything happen to him," Castiel released Cas' arm. His tone sympathetic.

"If you know how important he is to me, then why did you take him on that hunt?" Cas demanded sharply.

"Honestly, I was curious. Dean is special. I can feel how strong his soul is. He's stunning in every way. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to see him in action," Castiel gave a sad smile which Cas did not return.

"Why are you telling me this?" Cas sneered. He was not a fan of Castiel getting to know Dean.

"Because I see how much you care about both he and Sam. I don't know what it's like to let myself get close to humans like that. I've only ever had Gabriel. He's my brother and my best friend and I can't imagine the fragility that comes with caring for a human. I respect that and I envy you."

Cas didn't know how to respond to that.

"I just want to apologize and tell you that understood. Dean is..." Castiel glanced at the door where Dean was still outside. "He shines a little brighter than the rest, I can feel it."

Cas narrowed his eyes at Castiel. "Then help us get back home."

"What if there's no way back? What if you're stuck here? How is that going to effect things?" Castiel looked as Cas as if he had the answers.

"There's a way. I'm going to find it." With that Cas was stalking back towards the library, his trench coat billowing angrily behind him as he walked.

Dean didn't turn at the sound of gravel crunching underfoot. "Come back to apologize for being overdramatic?" he asked, staring out into the distance.

"Actually, I came to apologize for putting you in harms way," Castiel's voice spoke.

Dean frowned. The voice belonged to Cas but the tone wasn't his angel's. 

"Castiel, sorry, I thought..." he trailed off. He'd hoped Cas would come back and they would resolve their issue more calmly. 

"He's upset. Give him time," Castiel offered gently.

"You spoke to him?" Dean asked almost worriedly.

"We exchanged words. I don't think I earned any favors by taking you hunting," Castiel gave small chuckle.

"He's protective."

"I noticed."

Dean looked over at the other angel. "You're so similar and yet...not at all."

"Is it strange for you?"

Dean nodded, his eyes landing back on the horizon of trees in the distance. He missed talking to Cas like this. Now anytime they talked, there was tension and stress and harsh words exchanged. It hurt Dean. How had he let things get this bad between them? And how did he fix it?

"You're a special kind of person, Dean. It's why he's so protective. I almost got you killed tonight. I'm not okay with that. I want you to know that I'm truly sorry," Castiel placed a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder.

"It's part of hunting. Things happen. I don't blame you," Dean smiled, earning one in return. It reminded him that he wasn't sure the last time he'd seen Cas genuinely smile. His heart ached at the thought.

"I'm still sorry," Castiel dropped his eyes.

"I know," Dean nodded.

-

Cas stalked past the living room where Sam and Gabe were and towards the library.

"Hey, Cassie, er, Cas," Gabe called after his not brother, jumping up from his spot on the couch.

Cas let out a sigh. This wasn't his brother. Not really. His brother was dead.

"Look, I just wanted to say that I think you should talk to Dean," Gabe said catching up to the other angel.

"About what?" Cas snapped, grabbing a book from the shelf.

"About how you feel."

Cas tensed at that.

"Look, I know it's not easy. But I get the feeling you aren't the only one with regrets," Gabriel tossed a glance over his shoulder at Sam who was meeting Castiel and Dean at the door.

"You don't know him," Cas frowned, glancing past Gabriel.

"No, but...I get the feeling he was close to me. The other me," Gabriel dropped his eyes. 

Cas narrowed his own eyes at the archangel. "Not so much. Sam had a habit of keeping people at a distance."

"How did I feel about him? The other me, I mean."

"We never spoke about it," Cas shrugged. He had always suspected there was an underlying attraction simply based off the things Gabriel allowed the Winchesters to get away with.

"But you and Dean, you're close, yeah?" Gabriel turned his curious look to Cas now.

"Not as close as he we once were," Cas's eyes dropped to the floor below him.

"What changed?"

Cas looked up to meet Gabriel's golden eyes. It wasn't his brother, but it was. Had this been his Gabriel maybe he would have told him, but it wasn't so he stayed silent instead.

"I get it, it's tough. But don't wait. I know that if I had myself a Sam or Dean, I wouldn't wait," Gabriel gave a fond smile to the younger Winchester in the hall.

"Dean is like a brother to me that's all," Cas turned back to his book.

Gabriel snorted in response, "I'm sorry but I don't look at Cassie the way you look at Dean. That's no brotherly love, my friend."

Before Cas could respond, Gabriel was walking out of the library and back into the living room where Sam was with Dean and Castiel.

Cas let out a huff. He hated feeling this way towards Dean. He never meant to fall for the human, but it was too late. And no matter what he did, he couldn't change how he felt.


	11. Gabriel

Sam splashed cold water onto his face, trying to wake himself up. He had only gotten three hours of broken sleep before Cas came barging into his room. And then another two hours after getting Dean and Castiel back. Sleeping had never been a luxury he and Dean could afford. There was too much going on in their lives to allow for rest, so they stole the few broken hours they could here and there.

"Hey, Sammy, you got a minute?" Dean spoke up, with a knock on the open bathroom door. He looked even more tired than Sam did.

"Sure, what's up?" Sam wiped his face with the hand towel, turning his attention to his brother.

"So, Cas and I were talking last night..." Dean trailed off with a frown.

Sam sighed. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"He said something that got me curious," Dean glanced over his shoulder as if making sure no one else was around. "He said that you had barely taken your eyes off of Gabriel since we arrived."

Sam tensed slightly. "It's just...weird...seeing him...alive," his tone was short and emotionless, which was odd for Sam.

"Did you and Gabe-"

"No," Sam cut in sharply earning a raised brow from his brother.

"Did you-"

"Dean, I don't press for information about you and Cas, do I?" Sam snapped. He really didn't want to talk about this. 

"You did," Dean knew his brother well enough to know when he was avoiding something, and Sam didn't avoid many things. He was mr. talk about your feelings.

Sam huffed, his shoulders tensing further.

"I'm guessing you never told him." It wasn't posed as a question.

"Have you told Cas?" Sam countered.

It was Dean's turn to tense.

"Can we drop it now?" Sam knew he'd gotten his point across and hoped Dean would let it go.

"Is he the same? Like, is this Gabriel like ours was? Or is he different?"

Sam dropped his head. "He's similar but...not quite the same. What about Castiel?"

"He's...very different," Dean nodded, his own eyes dropping to the ground.

"You can't replace Cas with him."

Dean's jaw clenched, "Cas isn't...Cas anymore, he's..." 

Sam saw the pain flash in Dean's eyes as they met his own.

"He's hurting right now and-"

"It's my fault," Dean cut in. "I pushed him away when he needed me most. I don't think I can ever make up for that."

"So what you're gonna move on? Give up?"

"I hate fighting with him, Sam. I hate the tension between us. I don't know how to fix it. Every time I try, I just...I wish I could start over, ya know?" Dean's brows were pulled into a sad scowl.

"Yeah," Sam dropped his head, "I know." He knew all too well how that felt. Wanting to start over. He had so many regrets in his life, but none of them were as strong as his regret for Gabe's death.

"Speaking of guilt, we should probably go see if they have found anything on Karma," Dean cleared his throat. It was clear he was ready to be done with this conversation.

"Yeah," Sam nodded in agreement, relieved the conversation was over. 

They made their way down the stairs to where the three angels were sat at the dining room table, which was covered with books.

"Do I smell bacon?" Dean's eyes lit up as they entered the room.

"You mentioned it being your favorite breakfast food, so I made some up, there's also eggs and pancakes," Castiel gestured towards the kitchen with a smile.

Sam noticed the glare Cas tossed up briefly.

"Thanks, Cas," Dean gave a grateful squeeze to the angel's shoulder as he passed.

The room seemed to tense. Dean hadn't caught his mistake.

Castiel pursed his lips, careful to avoid looking at his double.

Cas slammed his book shut; his jaw clenched tightly, as he reached for another one.

Sam cleared his throat, "So any information on Karma?" he asked, hoping to diffuse some of the tension in the air.

"I've called around about finding the blade that can kill her. I'm waiting to hear back, but for now we're trying to find a spell to send her back. So far nothing," Gabriel explained.

Sam nodded. He had to force himself to focus on what Gabriel was saying because whenever he spoke, rushes of memories and feelings hit Sam. This wasn't his Gabriel, he had to remember that. Sam wondered if it was just as hard for Dean. Or maybe it was harder, since Cas was still alive. 

"Anything on getting back home, Cas?" Sam turned to the still tense angel.

"No," Cas answered gruffly, not looking up from the text in his hands.

At that moment Dean walked back in with a plate of breakfast food. "This is amazing, Castiel, thank you." he hummed around a mouth full of bacon.

"I'm glad you enjoy it," Castiel smiled warmly at Dean.

Sam noticed the way Castiel's eyes followed Dean for a moment before he drug them away. Surely Castiel hadn't already taken an interest in Dean? He'd barely known the guy twenty-four hours. 

His own eyes fell to Gabriel. It made him wonder if their Gabriel had felt the same way as Sam had. Was it a similar situation to Dean and Cas? He was sure Cas had feelings for his brother and Dean obviously had feelings for Cas. What kept them hesitant he wondered? For Sam it had been the knowledge of how unworthy he was. He had been the boy with demon blood. He didn't deserve an angel, much less an archangel. But Dean...Dean was the righteous man. He deserved every angel. Was it rejection? Was it the fear of losing Cas? Sam had wondered this more than once, but never asked. He knew Dean would refuse to talk about it and Cas refused to admit his feelings. Maybe Dean felt like he didn't deserve to be happy either. It was no secret Dean wore guilt like layered clothing. Maybe this trip would help them to finally get together. Or maybe it would finally tear them apart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But of Sam's point of view for you. Let me know what you think. 😊


	12. Watermelon

Three years ago:

Sam shoved his hands into his jacket pocket trying desperately to warm them. They'd been walking through the woods, in search of the vamps nest for nearly twenty minutes.

"Are you sure it's out here, Dean?" Sam puffed, his breath blowing out in a warm smoke.

"No I'm not sure, if I was sure we would have found it by now. I'm going off your intel, remember? And now I'm pretty sure were freakin' lost," Dean snapped, staring down at his phone. No bars, great.

"According to the sheriff the old barn was back a few miles. I don't know what you want me to say,"

"How about a way out?"

"What about Cas?" Sam knew that Cas hadn't been answering as of late but maybe he would now.

"I can try," Dean threw his hands up in exasperation. "Cas, look man, we're kind of...lost here. Middle of the woods, Montana. Could really use the help."

Silence.

"What about Gabe, he's been awfully helpful, lately," Dean asked, running a hand over his face.

"You want me to call Gabriel?" Sam raised a brow at his older brother.

"Yeah, my angel's not answering, let's try yours," Dean huffed.

Sam frowned but didn't argue, now was not the time to discuss the complexities of his and Gabriel's relationship. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Gabriel, it's Sam Winchester, I don't know if you're even listening, but we're in a bit of a bind and could use some assistance."

The familiar flutter of wings caused the Winchesters to turn with a hopeful look.

"Sammy, Deano, what the blazes are you doing in the middle of the woods on the coldest night of the year?" Gabriel frowned.

"A hunt. We need intel on a demon under the protection of a nest of vamps. They're supposed to be around here, but the coordinates the sheriff gave were wrong," Dean growled, he hated being cold and he was hungry and tired and he just wanted to kill some vamps.

"I'm gonna guess you've been led on a wild goose chase, boys. Why don't we get you two back to your car," Gabriel placed a hand on both their shoulders and suddenly they were both at the impala and warm.

"Thanks, Gabe," Sam sighed out at the sudden warmth that washed over him.

"Where's Cas? Figured he'd be your first call," Gabriel frowned.

"He's not really answering at the moment," Dean spoke between clenched teeth.

"Right, well if you guys need an extra hand, I'd be happy to help," Gabriel shrugged.

"Why are you being so helpful lately?" Dean narrowed his eyes at Gabriel.

Sam's own eyes were busy checking the bars on his phone to noticed that Gabriel's darted towards him before dropping to his feet.

"I was wrong before about you guys and I want you to win."

"Why?" 

"Because I don't want to go back to heaven and the fighting up there is only going to spill out down here. I'd rather stay down here and be left alone," Gabriel's eyes darted to Sam once again.

Dean nodded, seeming pleased with that answer. "Alright, well let's go find out why Sheriff dickbag gave us the run around. You coming?" Dean nodded to the impala as he grabbed the driver's side handle.

Gabriel slipped into the backseat without a word. 

"Thanks for coming," Sam said as they pulled out of the dirt and onto the pavement of the road.

"I'm honestly surprised you sent up an s.o.s to me. Thought you didn't care much for me."

"You're an angel, we're not inclined to trust you," Sam responded simply.

"And yet you called anyway."

Sam refused to admit that he was beginning to trust Gabriel. He had his own agenda, sure, but he was always straightforward about it.

"What's a demon doing being protected by a bunch of vamps for anyway?" Gabriel continued when Sam didn't respond.

"They have info on the colt. The vamps have wanted to keep it from us before and they think they can work together to defeat us," Dean answered this time.

"Man, people love to underestimate you two, don't they?" Gabriel snorted. 

"You did," Dean pointed out with a smirk in his rearview mirror.

"And I won't do it again. That's why in this coming fight, I'm rooting for you."

Sam couldn't help but smile at that. Having an archangel on their team would definitely help matters.

"If you want I can scope the area for this vamp nest, might save you some time," Gabriel offered.

Dean turned back with a raised brow, "You can do that?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes and with a snap of his fingers he was gone.

"Man, your angel has been coming through more than mine has lately. We should keep him around more," Dean snorted, turning back to the road in front of him.

Sam had several things he wanted to say in response to that. For one, Cas was still answering to heaven, unlike Gabriel and two, Gabriel wasn't his angel. So Gabriel had taken to specifically taunting him, that didn't mean anything. But before he got the chance, Gabriel reappeared in the backseat, with a bound man next to him.

"That Sheriff of yours is a vamp, he was helping the nest escape with the demon while you two were traipsing through the woods like a couple of lost lumberjacks. I gift wrapped him for ya," Gabriel snapped his fingers and a watermelon sucker appeared in his hand.

Sam didn't bother holding back his smile as Gabriel tossed a wink at him when he looked back. Gabriel had come through in a big way. Maybe Dean was right, they should keep him around more.

Present Day:

Sam eyed the archangel with the sucker in his mouth. "Watermelon?" he asked without even thinking.

Gabriel frowned, "Yeah, how'd you know?" 

"That was always...his favorite," Sam answered sadly.

"Exactly how close were you two?" Gabriel asked, no mocking in his tone.

"Not that close, actually," Sam's eyes dropped to the book in his lap. If he could do it over though, he would absolutely change that. No questions asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of Sabriel backstory for ya


	13. Longing

Dean's vision blurred slightly as he flipped the page yet again, his eyes trying to focus on the boring words.

"Ah ha, a potential spell," Gabriel piped up cheerfully then.

"Oh thank god," Dean sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"It's a locator spell for the Deity blade," Gabriel pointed to his own book. "There's a list of ingredients. Some of which we don't have."

"I can call Tabitha, she might have what we need," Castiel leaned over to see the ingredients.

"I can just pop over there, it'll only take a second," Gabriel shrugged.

"No," Dean blurted. "Please, send me."

"Dean," Cas growled, his eyes narrowing at the hunter.

"Cas, come on man, you know I don't do books. I can't stare at these pages any longer. I'm going cross eyed here," Dean gestured to the book splayed out in front of him.

Cas clenched his jaw.

"You can take my car," Castiel offered.

"I'm going with you," Cas closed his own book.

"Cas, it's a milk run, I can handle a few ingredients."

Cas glared intently at Dean, "The last time you did a 'milk run' you nearly got yourself killed. I'm going with you."

"Fine, whatever," Dean held his hands up in mock surrender.

"We'll keep looking for a spell to send Karma back, in case the blade doesn't work." Castiel said handing over his keys.

"Why do you need a car if you have wings?" Dean asked, taking the key ring.

"I like driving. It's very...human, much like eating," Castiel answered with a smile.

Dean felt his stomach flip at that smile. It was such a sincere smile it once again reminded Dean how much he missed seeing it on Cas' face. 

Cas suddenly felt a twist in his own stomach that he hadn't felt in a very long time. It was a twist he used to feel back when he and Dean first met. The feeling was usually accompanied with a prayer from Dean. Longing. Dean was longing for...him? No, not him, Castiel. The other him.

"On second thought, perhaps I'll stay. Continue looking for a way to get back home," Castiel reclaimed his seat and opened his book once again.

Dean frowned at the angel, "You sure, you were pretty adamant about coming, what changed your mind?" he glanced at Sam with a questioning look as if Sam might know. 

Sam only shrugged, equally as confused.

"We're in another dimension, Dean. An entirely different reality, or have you forgotten? I seem to be the only one trying to get back to our reality," Cas snapped. He hated how jealousy made him feel. It made him irritable and angry and impatient.

"We don't even know what put us here, much less where to start to get back. But what I do know, is how to hunt a goddess bitch and save a few lives. So until the time comes when we know more about what the hell even happened to us, I'm gonna do what I do best. Hunt," Dean snapped back. He truly hated how things had gotten between him and Cas, but this was bad, even for them.

"And how do you expect to know more about what the hell happened while you're off playing hunter in a strange land? I'm the only one doing any kind of research on that."

"People are dying Cas, Karma is a big threat. This needs to be handled."

"It's not your problem, Dean."

"If I can fix it, it is my problem. Look I get you don't like the situation, hell I'm not a fan either, but this is our reality for the foreseeable future and right now, my priority is keeping people out of that grave yard and keeping Karma from getting out." 

"And what after? What will your priority be then? Another hunt? Some waitress at a bar? This should take priority, Dean."

Dean's jaw clenched at Cas' words. There he was again, bringing up his love life. 

Sam cleared his throat, "Guys..." 

"Come on, Castiel, you can show me where this Tabitha is," Dean dropped the keys back into Castiel's hand, not looking away from Cas.

Sam huffed a sigh as he watched his brother stalk out of the house.

Castiel tossed an unsure glance at Cas before following after Dean.

"Why do you bait him, Cas?" Sam asked, causing Cas' glare to land on him now.

"I don't bait him."

"What changed your mind all of a sudden? One second you were refusing to let Dean out of your sight and the next your sending him off by himself," Gabriel crossed his arms.

Cas' jaw twitched slightly. "Like I said, someone needs to stay and-"

"Yeah, that's not it," Gabriel shook his head.

Cas shifted uncomfortably under Gabriel's stare.

"What's going on, Cas?" Sam frowned. Cas rarely looked so uncomfortable.

"He was longing and..." Cas didn't want to admit to being jealous.

"Longing?" 

"Sometimes Dean...longs for me. It's hard to explain. Longing is the closest thing to human terms I can use."

"When an angel bonds with a human soul, it forms a connection, allowing the angel to feel when the human needs them. It's similar to a prayer but it's an emotional need. Sometimes it can be associated with a prayer," Gabriel piped in, nodding in understanding.

"Dean was longing for you?" Sam raised a brow. 

"He used to a lot, at first. It's been some time since he has, I assumed it was because it's been so long and the bond had faded. However, just then, I felt it once again, but it wasn't for me...not me, me. It was for him," Cas dropped his eyes to his book. His chest ached at the thought that Dean liked Castiel better than him.

Sam gave a sympathetic smile, he'd noticed with way Dean looked at Castiel. He just didn't understand why, when Cas was right there. Dean would never pick anyone over Cas. Cas was one of the most important people in Dean's life. 

"If it wasn't directed at you, why would you have felt it?" Sam asked with a tilt of his head.

"The bond won't differentiate between the two. Cas would feel it, but Castiel wouldn't," Gabriel explained.

"What's required to form a bond between an angel and a human soul?" Sam asked, suddenly very curious.

"The soul has to be marked by the angel. I pulled Dean out of Hell, it marked his soul."

"A more profound bond," Sam nodded remembering the time Cas had mentioned it.

"Did I ever..." Gabriel trailed off, looking at Sam.

"No. No, there was no...no bonding with...him," Sam's eyes dropped back to his book. He almost wished there had been.

"You Winchesters are very emotionally constipated, has anyone ever told you that?"

"Often," Cas nodded, not looking up from the words in front of him.

Sam snorted a laugh but didn't argue. Cas would know first hand how emotionally constipated the brothers could be, Dean especially.


	14. He worries for you

Dean's fingers tapped on his knee as Castiel pulled out of the driveway. He hated fighting with Cas. It always made him feel empty inside. 

"He worries for you," Castiel said, his eyes set on the road in front of him.

"What?" Dean blinked at the angel next to him.

"Cas, he worries for you," Castiel met Dean's eyes briefly, noticing the sadness in them.

"Yeah well..." Dean trailed off. He knew Cas worried, so did Sam and yet he wasn't throwing a bitch fit every time Dean left the house.

"You two have a history?" 

Dean frowned now, unsure of what Castiel meant. "We've known each other for several years."

"No, I mean your friendship, there's more to it."

Dean straightened in his seat, his hands clenching into fists. "No."

"Oh, my apologies, I misread. You know, I had a thing with someone once. His name was Neil. You remind me of him," Castiel's lips curled into a fond smile.

"You were...with someone?" Dean rose a curious brow at the angel.

"Yes. Relations were always Gabriel's thing but, I couldn't help myself with Neil."

"What happened?" 

"I told him what I was," Castiel's tone shifted to disappointment.

"Let me guess, he didn't take it well," Dean nodded. He knew that story well.

"Gabriel said I should pick a hunter. Someone who understands my life and accepts what I am," Castiel glanced at Dean.

"But this life is too dangerous. You can't bear to know the one you love is risking his life every time he walks out that door." Dean also knew that story well.

A silence fell over the car then, making Dean itch to fill it. He opened his mouth and let the words flow.

"You know there was a time I was sent into the future of my own life. It was several years back now but you there. Or well, a version of you," Dean bit at his bottom lip. "You were human. Lost everything cause of me."

Castiel gave a curious head tilt.

"I hated it. Seeing you like that. You were broken. Lifeless. Because of me," Dean tried to push the memories of Cas' lost smile from his mind. "I was so afraid of that coming to pass...and then...he fell."

Castiel listened quietly.

"He lost his grace, his wings...everything." 

"I panicked. It was my worst nightmare come to life. All I could see when I looked at him was what he would become. Seeing you....so...human...it reminds me of that version only...happier. And I can't help but notice the only difference is I wasn't in your life."

"Dean," Castiel gave him a sympathetic frown.

"I messed up and I don't see it getting better," Dean's voice broke but he refused to let the tears fall.

"It's not too late to fix things."

"I've tried. I don't know how. Every time I turn around, we're fighting and I...I miss him. He's my best friend and I feel like I've lost him. And it's my fault."

Castiel parked the car in front of a small house. "You're telling me this because you feel like you can't tell him."

Dean's jaw clenched and he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He stared straight ahead unable to look at Castiel.

The angel opened his mouth to speak again but Dean reached for his door. 

"So this is it? Let's get these ingredients, shall we?" with that Dean climbed out of the car, ending the conversation.

-

Cas' stomach twisted with the feeling of longing once again. Why was it so bad? Dean hadn't longed for Cas for a while. But now it was so constant.

"Cas, you alright?" Sam noticed the way Cas' hand gripped the table harshly.

"I shouldn't have let Dean leave with...him," Cas sneered earning a raised brow from both Sam and Gabriel.

"What does he have that I don't? Is it the wings? The fact that he's at full power? The fact that he's a hunter?" 

"Cas..." Sam sighed. He didn't have an answer. He didn't know why Dean would be wanting Castiel. Not when he could easily have Cas. 

"Perhaps it's the fact that you two fight every time you're in a room together," Gabriel shrugged.

Cas sighed, dropping his head. "This is my fault. I'm angry and I'm taking it out on him."

"Why him?" Gabriel asked, leaning back in his chair.

"What?" Cas frowned up at Gabriel.

"Why him? Why not take it out on Sam?"

Cas opened his mouth to answer but stopped when he realized he didn't have an answer.

"Look, I'm no expert here but Dean hurt you and you haven't properly forgiven him, so you take it out in other ways."

"No. I forgave him. He did what he had to. He was saving Sam's life. I could never fault him for that," Cas shook his head fervently.

"Okay then this is about your lack of power. You think Dean is going to cast you aside in favor of the new and improved Castiel, so you lash out, jealously."

Sam tried to hold back a smirk.

"No, I'm not jealous. I'm..."

"I think you are, Cas," Sam chimed in. "You two were fighting over the fact that he was sleeping around before we got here and now..." Sam trailed off, giving Cas a sympathetic look.

"He's off playing Indians and cowboys with another angel," Gabriel finished.

"Look, I get it, Cas, you love him. But you gotta tell him."

Cas stiffened at Sam's words. "I don't know what you mean."

"Come on, Cas, I see it. I have for a while now. You've been in love with my brother for...years. But keeping this from him, it's what's tearing you two apart."

Cas' jaw clenched. "I'm not in love with Dean." 

Sam's shoulders slumped as Cas pushed away from the table and off towards the library.

"That's a lie," Gabriel snorted. "Are they always this pent up?"

"Pretty much," Sam nodded, with a smirk.

"I sure hope you and I weren't this bad," Gabriel tossed a wink at Sam, causing the hunter to freeze in place. 

Sam watched as Gabriel headed for the kitchen then. He still wasn't used to seeing Gabriel's face or hearing his voice, and he had to remind himself that this wasn't his Gabriel. 


	15. That's not what I asked

Tabitha was nice, Dean decided. She was helpful and knowledgeable and had every ingredient known to man. They could use a Tabitha back home.

"What kind of spell you looking to do with these?" Tabitha asked pulling out a box of oddly marked bottles.

"A locator spell," Castiel answered.

"Must be some locator spell to require this stuff."

"It's for a very ancient blade."

"You sure know how to have a good time, don't you?" Tabitha chuckled. "And you always pick the cute ones to ride along," her eyes slid to Dean then.

"Yes well, as Gabriel would say, a little eye candy never hurt anybody," Castiel winked at Dean, making his stomach flip.

He gave an uncomfortably shy smile.

"So does this one come with as much baggage as the last one?" Tabitha asked, lowering her voice slightly.

"Probably more, but he's very different from Neil."

"You brought Neil here?" Dean raised a curious brow.

"Gabriel needed a few things one day. He just thought it was a regular shop, he didn't suspect anything. Gabriel just wanted me to bring him by so Tabitha could meet him."

"Is that why we're here so Tabitha can meet me?" Dean wasn't sure if he was annoyed by that or flattered.

"No, but she is a good judge of character. She told me Neil wouldn't stay. She was right," Castiel handed over a credit card as he spoke.

"I can read people," Tabitha winked. "Wanna know what I think about you?"

"I find it's best not to know," Dean hated being read. People usually got it right and he didn't like to hear how messed up he was.

"I would like to know," Castiel glanced at Dean and back to Tabitha.

"He's a good one. Loyal, caring, slightly troubled. The chances of him staying are about fifty fifty I'd say," Tabitha handed the bag to Castiel before looking at Dean once more.

Castiel frowned, "He's not staying. Thank you," he held up the bag of ingredients.

"He wants to, I see it all over him," Tabitha insisted.

Dean stiffened.

"Nice meeting you, Dean. See you around, Castiel. And you tell that brother of yours to stop avoiding my calls."

Castiel nodded, before leading Dean back to the car.

"So, what is she?" Dean glanced over his shoulder at the small brick house.

"A psychic, but she's respectful and doesn't delve too deep without permission. She just reads auras mostly," Castiel explained.

Dean gave an unintelligible grunt in response.

"Was she right?"

"What do you mean?"

"About you wanting to stay."

Dean tensed once again as Castiel pulled out onto the main road.

"I have to go back."

"That's not what I asked."

Dean frowned over at Castiel. "What are you asking?" his tone was sharper than he intended.

"Do you want to stay?" Castiel asked the question like it was so simple. Like it wasn't asking Dean if he wanted to abandon everything he'd worked so hard for. Like he wasn't asking Dean if he wanted to give up the weight of the world that rested on his shoulders.

Dean remained silent for a moment. "I can't."

"Again, not what I asked."

"It's not right. I have a responsibility. I can't abandon that," Dean skirted the question once more.

"Who says it's your responsibility?" Castiel looked at Dean with the same eyes that Cas has looked at him with in the barn that first night. 

You don't think you deserve to be saved. 

"You put too much on yourself, my friend," Castiel sighed when Dean didn't respond. "If it's any consolation, I'd like you to stay." 

Dean's heart leapt at the confession. Why would Castiel want him to stay? He knew he shouldn't ask but...

"Why?" he spoke quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Castiel parked the car in his driveway and turned to face Dean. "I understand that you can't."

"That's not what I asked," Dean said, using Castiel's own phrase against him.

Castiel smiled, leaning forward, "What are you asking?"

Dean's eyes dropped to Castiel's lips briefly. "Why do you want me to stay?" he breathed out, trying to regain some control of his spiraling emotions.

"Why do you think?" With that Castiel pushed open the car door leaving Dean to interpret that how he pleased.

Dean's heart was thudding heavily in his chest. Did Castiel want to be with him? They barely knew each other and yet...it felt familiar. But this wasn't his Cas. Dean didn't want just any Castiel. He wanted his Castiel. 

He pushed the thoughts of what being with this Castiel might be like and climbed out of the car.

"Glad to see you two didn't get into trouble this time," Gabriel smirked at his brother and the oldest Winchester when they walked in.

"Who says we didn't?" Castiel shrugged, tossing a wink at his brother.

Dean remained silent at the door. He noted the lack of Cas but decided not to question it.

"I'll get the rest if you want to get the spell started," Gabriel spoke, standing from the table. 

Castiel nodded before hurrying off to the kitchen, leaving Sam and Dean alone.

"You alright, man?" Sam frowned at his brother.

"No, I'm not alright. I just got read by a psychic and then propositioned by Cas' double," Dean hissed quietly taking a seat across form his brother.

"You what?" Sam raised his brows.

"She sensed my hesitation in leaving and Castiel said he wanted me to stay," Dean snapped, leaning forward.

"Your hesitation in leaving?" Sam blinked at his brother.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me it's not tempting," Dean huffed sitting up straighter.

"Dean, our lives are back there, this is-"

"You don't think I know that?" Dean interrupted. "But come on Sammy, it's nice, right? Not feeling like everything is on us. Gabriel alive and well. Another fully powered Cas. It's a nice breather."

A shuffle by the door made Sam and Dean turn to see Cas stalking out.

"Cas," Dean leapt to his feet to go after the angel.

"Oh shit," Sam mumbled watching his brother chase after Cas.

Cas made it down the steps of the front porch when Dean caught up with him, grabbing his arm to stop him.

"Cas, wait, please."

"Why, Dean?" Cas snapped, whirling around to face the hunter.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't stay here and listen to this," Cas' tone broke despite his anger. He was hurt and there was no hiding that.

"Look, I didn't mean..." Dean ran a hand over his face, he hadn't intended for Cas to hear any of that.

"Yes, you did. I get it, I'm not him and I'm sorry that I can't be that for you anymore, Dean. Truly, I am," Cas' tone was sad, like he'd let Dean down in some terrible way.

"Cas, I don't want you to be him."

"Don't you though? He's fully powered. He's a hunter. I can't be those things, Dean."

"I don't need you to be fully powered or a hunter. I need you to be my friend, my family."

"You want to stay," Cas' tone wasn't accusing though he'd meant for it to be. Instead it sounded like a plea. Like he was begging for Dean to argue the point.

"You know why I'm not eager to go back? Cause there, the whole world sits on my shoulders. Here, that's not the case. No one expects anything from us. I can breathe here, man. And I know that when we go back, it's gonna come crashing down again. It is tempting as hell to stay, but I know it's not right," Dean's tone reflected how tired he truly was. 

"He wants you to stay," Once again no accusing tone, just sadness.

Dean didn't know how to respond to that.

"He likes you," Cas continued when Dean didn't answer. 

"It doesn't matter, we can't stay," Dean didn't like where this conversation was going, and he was afraid of how it would end.

"What if we can't find a way back?" 

"We will," Dean couldn't let that thought take root. He and Sam had to get home. They had a mess back there they had to clean up.

Cas didn't speak and he didn't move.

"Please don't go, Cas. I need you here. If your off alone...I can't think. I worry, man."

"And that's the problem, you shouldn't have to," Cas' voice was tight, and his shoulders stiffened.

"You think that it's because you're not at full power? You think I didn't worry about you even at your strongest? I will always worry about you, Cas. How many times do I have to tell you? You're family," Dean snapped. 

"Then you can't be mad when I worry for you," Cas offered gently. It was a truce in a way. 

"Fair enough," Dean nodded. He would take the truce. He couldn't let Cas leave, not now, not here. He was losing him and Dean needed to hold on with whatever he had left; even if that meant letting Cas worry over him, as much as he hated it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer one for ya. Let me know what you think!😊


	16. Men of letters

Dean and Cas stood, their eyes met in an unspoken conversation of 'please don't go' and 'please give me a reason to stay'.

"Cas..." Dean swallowed, he needed to start fixing this. He needed to make things right between them.

"Guys, we have a location on the blade," Sam's voice interrupted the pair.

"That's great, where is it?" Dean asked dragging his eyes from the angel.

"A few states away, come on," Sam nodded for them to follow.

Dean glanced at Cas to see what he would do; a pleading in his eyes.

Cas hated how easy it was for him to give in to Dean. He stepped past the hunter and headed back inside.

Dean's shoulder's deflated with relief. 

"It's in Bloomington Illinois," Gabriel pointed to the map when Dean and Cas walked in.

"How far away is that from here?" Dean frowned.

"Only ten hours," Castiel answered, "but either Gabriel or I can just pop over and get it.

"No such luck, bro," Gabriel spoke from where his nose was shoved in a book.

"According to this, the blade will be heavily guarded with demon, angel and god warding."

"There's god warding?" Dean raised a brow.

"There's warding for everything," Gabriel peered over the book.

"It says here that only a man of letters can access it," Sam spoke, looking over Gabriel's shoulder.

"They're all dead," Castiel frowned.

"Not all of them," Dean looked up at his brother. "What does it say you need?"

"It just says that only a man of letters can access it," Sam shrugged.

"What like with a key?"

"What, are you two men of letters? I thought you were hunters," Gabriel glanced between the brothers.

"We are but our grandfather was a man of letters. We're legacies. We live in an old men of letters bunker back home," Sam explained.

"Great, then I'll take Samsonite here with me and we'll be back in a jiffy."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on," Dean held a hand up. "I'll go." 

"Do you know the secret code or password or whatever?" Gabriel asked.

Dean opened his mouth and then closed it. He gave a non-committal shrug.

"Maybe It's best I go, I've read through all the lore and files, I'm more likely to know whatever it is," Sam waited for Dean to object but instead he just let out a sigh.

"Fine, but if anything happens to my brother, I'm deep frying your ass in holy oil."

"Ooh, kinky," Gabriel smirked.

"We'll be fine, won't we samsquatch?" Gabriel winked at Sam who stiffened at the nickname.

Sam's brows knitted into a frown as he tried to pull himself together. Gabriel used to call him that. He couldn't decide if he liked hearing it again. Part of him wanted Gabriel to repeat it just because he'd missed hearing that voice and that nickname but part of him hoped Gabriel would never say it again, because it stung. 

Sam cleared his throat to regain composure, "We'll be right back," Sam gave his brother a forced smile.

Gabriel placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and in a blink, they were gone.

"So how long should this take?" Dean asked as the awkward silence fell around them.

"Hopefully not long. Perhaps while we wait, we should look into finding out how to get you home," Castiel offered.

Cas narrowed his eyes as the way Castiel looked at Dean. As if waiting for the hunter to object.

"Great, more research," Dean groaned, his eyes scanning the many books spread across the table.

"If you'd rather do something else, I'm sure I can find a local hunt to-"

"No, that's okay. At least not yet...not until Sam gets back," Dean cut in quickly. He knew going on a hunt would only piss Cas off and he was trying to repair what he'd broken. Even if that meant trudging through more boring research.

Cas seemed pleased by Dean's rejection to the idea, but he also knew how much Dean hated research, so he offered a sympathetic smile to the oldest Winchester.

A warmth washed over Dean at the look on Cas' face. It wasn't angry or stone stiff for once. There was a small smile and it was directed at him. He would take that as a win.

-

Sam wasn't sure where he expected to end up, but a shack in the middle of nowhere was not it. "Are you sure this is right?" Sam asked, glancing around the abandoned shack.

He turned to face the angel when he didn't answer but Sam found himself alone.

"Gabriel?" Sam yelled, looking around frantically.

He pushed open the door of the tiny shack, pulling his gun out as he went.

"Gabriel," Sam shouted, louder.

"Over here," Gabriel's voice answered in a raw tone.

Sam turned to see the Angel slumped against a tree, holding his side.

"What happened?" Sam rushed to the fallen angel, gun still in hand.

"Got too close to the warding. It got me," Gabriel grunted.

"Got you, what do you mean got you?" Sam put his gun away so he could move Gabriel's hand from his side.

The angel winced as he revealed a long gash across his side. 

"Shit, Gabe," Sam swore pulling off his overshirt. "Here, hold pressure."

Gabriel hissed at the pain.

"Why aren't you healing?" 

"It damaged my grace a bit, it'll take longer to heal."

"You mean, we can't get back?" Sam asked, a new concerned tone in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Gabriel apologized. 

"It's fine, we'll figure it out. I guess you can't go inside?" Sam glanced back at the shed.

Gabriel shook his head.

"Alright, let me call Dean and let him know what's going on, you keep holding that pressure."

Gabriel reached for Sam's arm, "Get the blade then call Dean. Don't worry about me."

"Of course I'm going to worry about you, Gabe," Sam snapped.

"We have to stop Karma," Gabriel's grip tightened slightly.

"Fine, don't move. Keep this just in case," Sam pulled his gun out and handed it to Gabriel before standing.

He pulled out his phone as he hurried back to the shed.

"Sammy?" Dean's voice answered on the third ring.

"Dean, we got a problem," Sam huffed into the receiver.

"What?" Dean's tone dropped.

"Gabriel's been hurt. He dropped us in too close and the warding burned him. He's hurt, like bleeding hurt and his grace is diminished."

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine, I'm looking for the blade now, but I'm gonna have to get Gabriel patched up. I don't know how long his grace is gonna be down for so we might be finding another way back. Maybe I'll snag a car.

"That's ten hours, Sam," Dean huffed into the phone.

"I can handle ten hours, Dean."

"Fine, but check in every few hours let me know you're not dead."

"Yeah," Sam hung up just as his eyes landed on a dusty metal box in the far corner.

"Are you what I'm looking for?" Sam brushed the dust off the top. Sure enough the familar unicursal hexagram, used as the symbol for the men of letters, was engraved into the top.

"Okay so what do you need to be opened?" Sam continued to wipe off the dust and looked closely at the engravings on the box. Latin.

"Only the elder by whose name you speak, can access the treasure that you so seek." Sam read aloud.

"What does that mean?" Sam looked for a key fob or maybe a dial he could use but there was nothing.

"Okay well the elders were the ones you founded the men of letters. There was Martinez and..." Sam thought back to the files he'd read. 

"Bowen, Ted Bowen, I believe."

Sam groaned when he realized that this reality was different from theirs, he may not know the correct answer.

"The only other elder I remember is Ackers but I don't know how that's gonna help-" A set of soft clicks told Sam that something happened.

Cautiously he reached for the box, carefully pushing it open with ease.

Sam gave a pleased laugh. It worked.

However, when Sam peered into the box it was empty.

"Shit," Sam sighed slamming it closed. It instantly locked back.

"You find it, Sam?" Gabe called, his voice still hoarse.

Sam stepped out of the shack with the box in hand. "It's empty."

"Empty? But the locator spell..."

"Was for the box, which is supposed to hold the blade, but it looks like someone else got to it first."

"Great, so I got Kentucky fried for nothing. At least now Dean doesn't have to worry about doing it," Gabriel joked.

Sam couldn't help but smile as he pulled Gabe up, helping support his weight. 

"Come on, those are trail markers, that means there's a road at the end," Sam pointed to a flag tied around a tree a few yards off.

"You gonna carry me the whole way? My hero," Gabriel winked, before hissing at a new surge of pain in his side.

Sam didn't respond as he helped Gabriel along. The amount of blood had Sam worried. He wouldn't be responsible for losing this Gabriel as well. He just wouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!


	17. Not him

The trail, thankfully, wasn't far from a lodging sight. Gabriel, struggling to keep himself upright anymore, frowned at Sam.

"What are we doing here?"

"I need to patch you up."

"Patch me up?" 

"You're not exactly healing, and you're bleeding pretty bad."

"Do you know how to do that?" Gabriel asked around a wince as Sam leaned him against the doorframe of an unoccupied lodge.

"Yeah, I do it all the time," Sam nodded, pulling a lock pick from his pocket.

Gabriel rose a brow at Sam. "You're a surgeon and a locksmith?" 

Sam snorted a laugh as the door gave way.

"Alright, you stay here, and I'll see if I can find a first aid kit or something. Keep holding pressure," Sam ordered, laying Gabriel on the couch.

When Sam left, Gabriel pulled out his phone to call Castiel.

"Heya bro."

"Gabriel, are you alright? Dean said you're hurt," Castiel sounded worried.

"Yeah, just a bit of a pinch," Gabriel assured the other angel.

"You know better than to get too close to angel warding, why weren't you more careful?"

"I didn't intend to get that close, just enough to weaken me a bit," Gabriel admitted. 

"Gabriel," Castiel spoke in a scolding tone.

"What? I wanted a little quality time with Sam, sue me," Gabriel huffed.

"Did you get the blade at least?"

"Oh, yeah, no go on that, the blade was missing, just an empty box. Guess we're back to square one."

"I'll let Dean know. Please be careful from here on out."

"Yeah yeah," Gabriel rolled his eyes despite the fact that Castiel couldn't see.

Sam walked back in just as Gabriel hung up the phone.

"Alright, the lady at the front didn't have a first aid kit but she did have a bandaid and a sewing kit," Sam held up a bright pink spool of thread a sewing needle and an avengers bandaid.

Gabriel gave Sam an incredulous look.

"She has a grandkids," Sam shrugged as if that was explanation enough.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Gabriel huffed. This is what he got for being stupid.

"It's a good thing you're an angel and can't get an infection," Sam frowned down at the nasty wound that Gabriel had exposed upon raising his shirt.

"This is gonna be hard cause it's not a hooked needle," Sam frowned at the needle in his hand. Not only was it tiny, but it was straight as could be. Not ideal for closing wounds.

"Well, you could always use that," Gabriel pointed at a fishing hook that stuck out of a stuffed fish that sat on the far wall.

Sam gave Gabriel a sympathetic look before crossing the room.

"Why do I get myself into these messes?" Gabriel sighed, mostly to himself.

"Cause you're kind of a disaster angel," Sam laughed.

"Excuse me?" Gabriel raised a brow.

"I mean...at least...mine was," Sam's voice dropped a bit.

"Did you ever have to patch him up?" Gabriel asked, as Sam used his pocketknife to cut the hook from the fishes' mouth.

"No."

"Then I'm honored."

Sam frowned, but didn't say anything as he tied the thread to the fishing hook.

"This is gonna hurt like a bitch," Sam knew what it felt like to get stitched up with a barbed fishing hook. He'd nearly passed out from the pain when his dad had done it in the back of the moving impala one hunt. Dean was driving so his dad could stop the bleeding. A rougarou got too close and Sam paid for it.

Gabriel hissed as Sam carefully started to stitch the wound.

"I know, I'm sorry."

Gabriel couldn't help but admire the way Sam's brows furrowed in concern, the way his eyes stared in serious concentration as he worked, the way his tongue licked at his bottom lip. He was truly beautiful. He would be shocked if his alternate self hadn't felt something for the Winchester. 

Gabriel hissed again as Sam pushed the needle through his sensitive skin once more. This almost wasn't worth it. He'd only wanted to spend some alone time with Sam, see if he could maybe get the hunter to unwind a bit, but Gabriel had a feeling that he would only hurt them both. Sam had clearly felt something for his alternate self, and he would be left disappointed when Sam went back home.

"I'm sorry about this," Gabriel apologized. 

"It's not your fault," Sam glanced up, only for a brief second.

Gabriel didn't have the heart to tell him that it was, instead he whimpered as Sam pushed the needle into the wider gap of the wound.

"I'm sorry, Gabe," Sam spoke sympathetically. He hated hurting the angel. 

By the time Sam had pulled the final stitch Gabriel was sweating.

"Is it strange for you? To see me, I mean," Gabriel asked, his tone strained from the pain.

"Yeah. Sometimes I have to remind myself you're not him," Sam cut the final thread and looked up, meeting Gabriel's eyes.

Gabriel glanced to Sam's lips for a moment.

Sam noticed and swallowed hard. He had always wondered what kissing Gabriel would have felt like. It was a regret of his that he never got to find out. He could right now.

He leaned forward slightly, testing to see how Gabriel would react.

Another glance at Sam's lips told him that Gabriel wanted this too, so he closed the gap.

Their lips pressed together gently. Neither one moved at first.

Gabriel took the initiative to press in slightly harder but Sam pulled back, dropping his head, as if in shame.

"I'm sorry," Sam whispered into the tiny space between them. "It's just..."

"I'm not him," Gabriel guessed.

Sam closed his eyes and nodded. He pushed himself to his feet and turned away. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Sam, it's okay." Gabriel winced as he stood up.

"You still need to rest," Sam rushed to help support Gabriel.

"I'm fine," Gabriel insisted.

Sam looked at the angel in his arms and felt his chest constrict. God, he missed Gabriel. His Gabriel.

"Come on, I'll drive us back," Sam said helping Gabriel out of the lodge and to the parking lot.

"We don't have a car," Gabriel frowned.

"Keep watch," Sam ordered as he carefully checked to find an unlocked car.

"You're gonna steal a car?" Gabriel laughed. "No wonder I liked you."

Sam frowned but didn't respond as the third car door gave under his touch. He didn't know how he was going to survive a ten hour car ride with Gabriel after what just happened, but he didn't have a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a Sabriel chapter apparently...


	18. Distance

Castiel wasn't unaccustomed to having hunters in his house. His door was always open to others, however he rarely had other angels in his house, especially ones that looked like him. It was odd for him. He handled it well considering, but at the moment he felt a strange ache in his chest that he was less than familiar with. He had never truly had a meaningful relationship with a human. Neil had been the closest thing but there were hidden truths and limited interactions that kept him from experiencing things the way humans did with each other. Castiel has just assumed it wasn't possible for an angel. Gabriel didn't care for deep meaningful relationships. However, as he sat watching Dean and Cas interact, he realized that it was possible for angels. He just had to find the right person. Dean and Sam were understanding. They knew the hunter lifestyle. They knew how angels operated. They knew the ins and outs of heaven and hell. 

Castiel watched with envious eyes as Dean reached out, placing a hand on Cas' arm, a dimpled grin on his face as he made a joke about the pronunciation of a particular monster. 

It was the most they'd touched, Castiel noted. And it didn't last long. There was reserve there. Reserve he knew to be hidden truths. But what could be hidden between the hunter and the angel? They knew everything about the other, how could there be anything left unsaid? 

"You okay there, Castiel?" Dean asked, his eyes now set on the other angel.

"You two have been friends for a long time," Castiel ignored Dean's concern. His remark wasn't posed as a question but Dean nodded.

"Yeah."

"And you know everything about each other?" 

Cas and Dean exchanged curious glances before Cas nodded, "I pulled Dean from hell, pieced his soul back together."

Dean shifted uncomfortably. Hearing Cas phrase it like that, always made him feel odd.

"And yet there's a distance between you two. Why?"

Dean stiffened, his eyes dropping to the book in front of him.

Cas' own eyes darted to the hunter before landing back on the other angel. "There's no distance."

Castiel only frowned. 

Dean cleared his throat then, "You heard from Gabe in a while?"

"No, I haven't."

"I'm gonna call Sam, just check in," Dean pushed away from the table. He knew Sam would call if they ran into trouble, but he needed to escape the awkward tension he was currently drowning in.

Cas watched Dean walk away with sad eyes. They both knew there was distance between them but neither of them really knew why.

"You're a terrible liar," Castiel said once Dean was out of earshot.

"I find it's best to avoid an argument with Dean. He prefers to ignore the problem until it just goes away," Cas shrugged, his eyes now set on the book of spells in front of him.

"And you? What do you prefer?"

"I prefer to see Dean happy."

"You make him happy," Castiel said thoughtfully.

"I don't think so," Cas met the familiar blue of the other angel's eyes.

Before Castiel could argue, Cas spoke up again.

"You asked him to stay," It wasn't posed as a question but there was an accusing undertone in his voice.

"I merely pointed out that I wouldn't mind if he did," Castiel shrugged.

"You're attracted to him," again not posed as a question but Cas waited for an answer anyway.

"Like I told you before. I've never had that kind of relationship with a human. Dean is special."

Dean is mine, is what Cas wanted to say but instead he only nodded. Dean wasn't really his, Dean didn't want him like that.

Both angels turned back to their books, allowing the space between them to fill with silence.

-

"Hey Sammy, how's road tripping with Gabe going?" Dean asked when his brother answered the phone. He'd stepped outside, hoping the fresh air would push away the regret he was feeling towards Cas.

"It's...going," Sam answered in a tone Dean knew well.

"Uh oh, what happened?" 

"Nothing. Nothing happened."

Dean rolled his eyes despite Sam not being able to see, "Spit it out, what did he do?"

The line was silent for a moment.

"Sammy?" Dean checked to make sure the call hadn't dropped.

"It's not something he did," Sam huffed into the receiver finally.

"Okay, what did you do?" Dean frowned, wishing he could see Sam's face to decipher what he wasn't telling Dean.

"It's not something I did either," Sam snapped almost defensively.

"Okay then what the hell happened?" Dean was growing impatient. Sometimes Sam was too cryptic for his taste.

"I just think we need to get this thing with Karma handled quickly and get back home."

Dean ran a hand over his face, he knew that tone. "You're falling for him, aren't you?"

"What? No," Sam scoffed.

"You are," Dean knew his brother like the back of his hand.

"I just think we've wasted enough time here."

"He's falling for you too, isn't he?" Dean had noticed the fond glances the archangel had been sending his brother.

"He's not my Gabriel."

Dean raised a brow.

"Our Gabriel," Sam corrected quickly. "The Gabriel we knew."

"Sam, stop. I get it," Dean smirked despite the fact that Sam couldn't see him.

"You really don't though," Sam sighed, his tone more vulnerable now.

"You have Cas. I...We lost Gabriel," Sam's voice was strained.

"What happened?" Dean asked again. Something had to have triggered Sam to make him so upset. Sam rarely got upset. Not like this. 

Another long moment of silence had Dean checking his phone again.

"We kissed."

Dean's jaw dropped. It was now his turn to be silent. He had not seen that coming.

"It was short and it felt..." Sam trailed off.

"Wrong?" Dean finished for him.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I told you Castiel propositioned me. It wasn't exactly a proposition, but he made his intentions clear. And for a brief moment I let myself imagine what it might be like to give in to that but...it felt...wrong. And I don't know why." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. 

He never had conversations like this with Sam, especially not over the phone. Of course they were always together. Doing this over the phone made it easier somehow. 

"Dean, you know why," Sam's tone was sympathetic now. "He looks like Cas but he's not."

Dean stiffened. They were nearing dangerous territory.

"I don't want Cas, not like that," Dean's voice was sharp.

"Dean," Sam sighed. He just wanted his bother to admit his feelings. Was that so hard?

"Call if you need anything," Dean hung up then, just as the door opened behind him.

Dean turned to see his blue eyes angel. 

"Cas," Dread washed over Dean. Had Cas heard him?

"I believe I may have found a spell to get us home, however it requires something else," Cas' spoke simply, gesturing over his shoulder.

"Great," Dean pushed passed Cas, heading back to where they had the books spread across the dining room table.

Cas stared longingly after the hunter. He hadn't meant to eves drop on Dean's conversation, but he was a celestial being and his hearing was slightly better than a human's. He hadn't heard much, but just enough to know how Dean felt, or rather, didn't feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute, enjoy!


	19. Spell

Cas followed behind Dean to the dining room where his book was laid out on the table.

"So what's this spell?" Dean asked peering at the book in front of the seat Cas had been sitting in.

"It's a tricky one," Castiel spoke reading from his computer. "So I found the ingredients, and it's easy enough, minus one thing. Well two if you include the artifact.

"Artifact?" Dean frowned, his eyes meeting Castiel's.

"A mirror. It's a multidimensional mirror. It acts as a gateway to other universes. There are three in existence. It should be easy enough to track one down."

"Okay, so what's the problem?" There was always a problem in Dean's experience.

"In order to get back, the person you love most must be there," Castiel read from the computer.

"What if the person you love most is here too?" Dean asked, swallowing thickly. 

"There are three of you, surely one of you loves someone there more," Castiel glanced between Cas and Dean.

"Sam and Dean don't love anyone more than each other," Cas spoke up then.

"What about you? Surely the person you love most is...Claire or something, right?" Dean asked hopefully.

Cas shook his head. "You and Sam," his eyes dropped to the book in front of him, as if in shame.

"Great," Dean threw his hands up in frustration. "Is there any other way to get the mirror to work?"

"Not with this particular spell," Cas sighed.

"Then find another one," Dean snapped. He couldn't be stuck here. He was sure being here would only make things worse for him and Cas.

"What do you think I've been doing?" Cas snapped back, his brows furrowing. He knew Dean only lashed out like that when he was scared, but it wasn't fair. Cas had been researching almost non-stop.

Dean ran a hand over his face. "Come on Castiel, you've gotta have something else for me."

"There is one other option," Castiel glanced at Cas then, "but he said you won't like it."

Dean shot a glare at Cas. Wasn't he the one that wanted to get home so badly? "What is it?"

"A witch can enact the artifact, make it work without that particular spell."

"No, absolutely not. We don't work with witches," Dean shut the idea down. Now he knew why Cas would say that.

"Beggers can't be choosers, Dean," Cas sighed. 

Dean turned a sneer to Cas, "You want to work with a witch? That won't end well. They'll want something in return."

"I'm willing to pay it for you," Castiel spoke up, earning an eyeroll from Cas.

"You don't know what they'll want."

"You were right before, you can't stay here," Castiel's eyes dropped to the floor.

"You wanted me to stay. What changed?" Dean frowned, trying not to be hurt by that.

"I'm being selfish, that's not fair to you."

"But you still want him to stay," Cas' tone was accusing.

"Can you blame me?"

The two angel's stared at one another as if challenging each other.

"Okay, alright, this isn't a halo match, put the harps away," Dean put his hands up trying to diffuse the situation.

Cas turned his glare to Dean. 

"I'll reach out to some of my contacts and see if they know a witch that might help," Castiel walked out then, leaving Cas and Dean alone.

"You can't be jealous of him, Cas, it's not-"

"He's attracted to you," Cas interrupted.

"Come on man, don't be ridiculous," Dean rolled his eyes.

"Are you attracted to him?" Cas continued. He didn't know why he was asking that. He was sure he didn't want to know the answer.

"Jesus Cas, what kind of question is that?" Dean hadn't expected the angel to be so forward.

"Don't worry, I won't think you're attracted to me. We're very different people," Cas flipped the page of his book, refusing to meet Dean's eyes now.

"We're not having this conversation," Dean snapped before going after Castiel. He couldn't handle how jealous Cas was. How could he be so jealous of someone that was basically him? 

"I got a name," Castiel said, shoving his phone into his pocket. 

"Great, what is it?" Dean asked, less than enthused.

"Her name is Rowena. She's the leader of the grand coven. She apparently has been known to work with hunter's in the past."

"Where is this witch?" Dean grabbed a beer from the fridge. He didn't care if it was barely noon.

"I'm not sure, but I have a phone number."

Dean sighed, before tossing back a large swig of his cold beverage. He hated witches. They were nothing but trouble. 

"We should wait for Sam and Gabriel to get back."

"That's fair," Castiel agreed. 

"In the meantime, I need to kill something, what do you say we find us a hunt. Nothing too serious," Dean was itching to do something, and hunting was something he could do. Something he was good at. Unlike talking to Cas.

"I thought you said you wanted to wait until Sam got home," Castiel frowned.

"I changed my mind," Dean tossed back another gulp.

The angel nodded, "There's a haunting two towns over. Or there's a vamp nest three towns over."

"Great, I'll grab my bag, you load up the car." Dean downed the last half of his beer.

"What about him?" Castiel gestured to the door as if Cas was standing there.

Dean licked his lips, "I'll handle him."

Castiel only nodded, a slight frown on his features.

"Hey, go easy on him, he's-"

"Protective, I know," Castiel cut in, before stepping past Dean.

The hunter let out a sigh. How did he find himself in these messes? Sam was gallivanting around with his favorite archangel while he was stuck playing referee with two Cas's.

"Cas, can we talk," Dean asked, walking back into the dining room where Cas had reclaimed his chair from before.

"I'd rather not, it seems our talks never end well," Cas frowned, not looking up from his book.

Dean tried not to flinch at that. There was a time when Cas enjoyed their talks. Of course that had been before Dean threw Cas out of the bunker when he was human. 

"You're not gonna like what I'm about to say," Dean continued, ignoring Cas' previous comment.

"I don't tend to like most things you say," Cas still didn't look up.

Dean licked his lips, pursing them slightly, to keep from snapping at Cas.

"I gotta clear my head," Dean said simply. 

This caught Cas' attention, because his head snapped up. "You're going on another hunt?"

Dean knew they were headed towards another argument and he was desperate to cut it short.

"You coming, or not?" Dean frowned. He didn't miss the way Cas' jaw clenched.

"While I'd rather not sit and watch you two flirt, I don't trust him to keep you safe," Cas stood then.

"I can look after myself," Dean growled, ignoring the flirting comment.

"Do you remember what we talked about earlier?" Cas tilted his head.

Dean dropped his chin to his chest, "Yeah, I know, you worry." He met Cas' eyes once again, "Alright, I'll meet you at the car."

Cas' shoulders slumped from their tense position when Dean left the room. How much longer was he going to let Dean Winchester hurt him? How long was he going to follow the hunter around like a lost puppy? Perhaps just until they got home.Then he could go...somewhere...anywhere. As long as dean wasn't there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are, sorry it's been a while. I was participating in a weeklong challenge for another fandom but I'm back!


	20. Agent Collins

Dean was glad when the they finally arrived at the police station. The air in the car was thick with tension. It had been a mostly quiet ride, other than Dean reading about the case.

Dean groaned as he realized that he didn't have an ID on him.

"Castiel you're gonna have to go alone. Cas and I don't have ID."

"Here," Castiel handed Cas an FBI badge. "It looks more legit to have two agents."

"Alright, I'll call Sam, see how he and Gabriel are doing," Dean nodded. This was his least favorite part of working cases anyway. 

Cas wanted to object but didn't want to pick a fight. He took the badge and shoved it into his trenchcoat pocket.

"Let me take the lead," Castiel whispered as they approached the front desk.

"I'm agent Collins this is my partner-"

"Let me guess, agent Collins?" The guy grinned, earning a frown from the angels. "You're twins right?"

Cas and Castiel glanced at each other.

"Uhh, yes, exactly," Cas piped in. They had forgotten breifly they looked exactly alike and it would be strange to have different last names.

"I couldn't imagine working with my brother," the man shook his head.

"It can be daunting," the angel's answered in unison.

"Twins man," the guy chuckled before gesturing to the back. "The sheriff is back there. Go ahead."

Castiel lead the way to the sheriff's desk.

"Agent Collins, and agent...Collins," Castiel introduced with a brief flash of his badge. "We're here about the supposed animal attacks."

"Supposed?" The man raised a brow. 

"Yes, supposed," Castiel nodded patiently. 

The sheriff snorted and turned back to his computer.

"You don't expect us to believe a wild animal attacked two college students in their locked dorm room, do you?" Cas snapped. 

"Well I mean..." The sheriff stumbled over his words, shocked by Cas' tone. "what else could it have been?"

"We'd like to see the official file and the autopsy report," Cas demanded sharply. The sooner they finished this case, the better.

Dean looked up to see the two angels walk out of the building. He smirked at how in sync they were as they walked. His smile instantly faded when Castiel turned to Cas with an accusing glare.

"Oh shit," Dean scrambled to get out of the car.

"What part of let me do the talking did you not understand?" Castiel snapped.

"You weren't getting results," Cas snapped back.

"Whoa, whoa, okay what's going on?" Dean stepped in, a hand landing on each angel's chest.

"I can't work with him," Castiel huffed.

"Why because you want to work alone with Dean? Well after last time, that's not gonna happen."

"I told you, it was an accident and I'm sorry," Castiel huffed in a defeated tone.

"Okay, look, I get there is some tension here what with being the same person but-"

"We're not the same," the angels chorused.

Dean looked slightly startled, "Okay, don't do that again."

Castiel stepped back, running a hand over his face. "Look, I don't want to fight with you... Cas."

Cas only narrowed his eyes at the other angel.

"I don't trust you," he growled out finally. 

"You're protective, I get it. He's..." Castiel turned a fond look to Dean.

Mine. Cas thought but refrained from saying.

"You and I are very similar. We're programmed the same. I promise to do anything I have to to keep him safe, just the same as you. I made a mistake before, I'm sorry," Castiel's tone was genuine.

"Cas," Dean looked at his angel hopefully. 

"Fine," Cas turned and stalked to the car.

"You're lucky to have someone who cares so deeply for you," Castiel sighed before following the other angel.

Dean swallowed hard. He only wished Cas felt as deeply for him as he did for Cas.

-

They arrived at the library as the sun was setting. Some of the people they'd spoken to had said that a group of people who acted suspiciously had been seen talking to the college students who were attacked. 

"Hey, they look a little suspicious to be innocent college students to you?" Dean gestured to a group just outside the door to the large library.

"I say we keep an eye on them, see if they move?" Castiel said with a nod.

It didn't take long for the group to catch the attention of a couple of girls leaving the library. The three hunters watched as the girls left and the group started to follow them.

"I think we have our nest," Dean grinned, his hand already itching for a weapon.

Dean and the two angels hurried out of the vehicle and after the group, grabbing weapons from their bag as they went.

When they rounded the corner of the alley, Dean took a hit to the face. 

"Son of a-" He covered his nose where it had very obviously been broken.

The vamps had heard them following and caught them by surprise. 

"Jordan, they're hunters," One of the men said, his eyes landing on the machete in Dean's hand.

The guy, jordan, took a step back but Castiel took a swing. Jordan caught his arm, throwing a punch to Castiel's face.

The other three men moved in then, making Dean take a swing. He missed as the guy darted out of the way. But he was now in range of Cas who took a hard swing. And with a sickening thunk, his head slid off his shoulders.

Dean took the opportunity to attack Jordan, who had pinned Castiel too the building. His blade cut through flesh and bone with a satisfactory slice.

The third vamp came up behind Dean and sunk his fangs into his shoulder, causing the hunter to let out a shout of pain.

Cas stabbed his syringe of dead man's blood into the vamp's back, causing him to release Dean in a hiss. He then took the opportunity to swing his blade.

The last vampire tried to make a run for it, seeing as how he was drastically outnumbered, but Castiel had caught him, while Dean took a pained swing with his non hurt shoulder.

The three were panting from the strenuous activity by the time it was over.

"Dean," Cas looked over at the hurt hunter.

"Allow me," Castiel placed a gentle hand on Dean's cheek. 

Cas grit his teeth as all signs of injury disappeared from Dean.

"Thanks, Cas," Dean sighed out at the relief. 

Castiel tossed an apologetic glance at the other angel who looked like he'd been kicked. Dean really didn't see them as two different angels and yet he still preferred this Castiel. The realization stung in a way Cas hadn't quite experienced before. He would be glad to get home and distance himself from the pain. It was too much.


	21. Save everyone

Sam downed a half a bottle of water while Gabriel was inside the gas station. It had been a long drive so far. Five hours in total at this point. Sam had been concerned that it would be awkward after their kiss, but it was as if it never happened. Gabriel had found the radio to be boring, so he'd asked Sam to recommend an alternative. Sam had suggested a podcast expecting the angel to turn it down, however Gabriel had happily obliged. After about two hours they turned to car games per Gabriel's request. It started with I spy which they found to be impossible in a moving car while one of them had to concentrate on driving, so they moved to twenty questions where they learned a lot about each other. After that they shared riddles. Gabriel was very good at riddles and knew several. Next, they did tongue twisters. Sam hadn't had this much innocent fun in a long time. It almost made him forget he was trapped in a foreign reality with big issues back home.

"You mentioned eating healthy, so I got you a shakable salad. You're supposed to add the dressing to the cup and then shake it up?" Gabriel held out the large cup full of lettuce with a confused shrug. 

Sam smiled, "Thanks." His heart ached. Gabriel had been paying attention during their twenty questions game.

"How's Dean and the Castiel's?" Gabriel asked, sliding into the passenger's seat once again.

"That sounds like a terrible eighties band," Sam laughed as he started the car. "They're good, I guess. They're on a hunt."

"A hunt?" Gabriel raised his brows at Sam.

"Yeah, apparently Cas and Castiel were the agents since Dean didn't have an ID. I don't know why Dean can't just sit still. Taking them on a hunt just seems like a bad idea," He sighed.

"So he's always like this?" 

Sam only nodded.

"Sounds exhausting."

"He feels like he has to save everyone you know?" Sam glanced over at Gabriel.

"Do you feel that way?"

Sam frowned as he turned back to the road. "Not really. But...knowing what's out there and how to stop it...kind of makes it my job to stop it ya know? I know we can't save everyone, we barely save half of the ones we try to, but I know that if I didn't do what I do, there would be even more loss. So I try to use our wins as motivation. That one person I might save out of five, that's what I hold on to. Dean, he dwells on the other four. He counts our losses."

"Why do you think that is?" Gabriel frowned. He couldn't imagine why Dean wouldn't want to look at the good he's done.

"Our dad. He was hard on Dean. On both of us, but mostly Dean. I got out. I went to college, but Dean didn't. Dad didn't allow for mistakes."

"You went to college?" Gabriel rose a brow once again at the hunter.

Sam chuckled, "Yeah."

"For what?"

"To be a lawyer," Sam gripped the wheel tighter.

"So how'd you get dragged back into hunting?" Gabriel could see the regret all over Sam.

"Dean."

"And you don't resent him?" 

"It wasn't his fault. Dad had gone missing. He asked for my help. I ran a lead with him. When I got back to school..."

"I know that look," Gabriel nodded, "You lost someone."

"My girlfriend, she was...killed by the demon that killed our mom when we were little. It was all a ploy to a bigger plan."

"I wanted to blame Dean, but it would have happened anyway. I told myself for a long time I could have saved her but...I know I couldn't have. Just like I couldn't have saved you er him," Sam brows pulled into a frown and his knuckles turned white from how hard he was gripping the wheel.

"You said he sacrificed himself?"

Sam only nodded.

"I can see why, you're clearly worth saving," Gabriel wanted to reach out to the hunter, but he feared Sam would reject it.

"I'm not. I'm just..." Sam trailed off, his head shaking.

"You help people, Sam. That's something. And you stopped the apocalypse, right? I like to think if he hadn't made that sacrifice, you wouldn't have had the chance."

Sam looked to Gabriel, a fond smile on his lips, "You're right. That's what I kept telling myself, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"Do you miss him like you miss her?" Gabriel dared ask next.

"Who?" Sam frowned.

"Your girlfriend."

"Jessica." Sam said the name with a pained tone. "Yeah. But I have more regrets when it comes to you, er him."

"Such as not telling him how you felt?" Gabriel pressed, though he already knew the answer.

Sam nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Well, I may not be him, but if he was anything like me, I'm sure he felt the same way."

"You don't even know me," Sam frowned.

"And yet still..." Gabriel gave a sympathetic smile. 

Sam swallowed, turning his gaze back to the long stretch of road. "How's your side?" he asked then, desperate for a subject change.

"Maybe another hour or two and I should be good," Gabriel lifted his shirt to show the poorly stitched wound. It was less red, and the edges had closed.

Sam nodded. He would be glad to get back home he decided. Being around Gabriel was too hard for him. The familiar feelings he'd felt for the angel had crept up and they were hard to deny knowing he felt similarly.

This Gabriel might have only known him for a few days, but they'd spent more time together than he and his Gabriel had. Sam couldn't afford to get more attached. It would only hurt worse when he had to leave. He'd be left alone again.

A sudden frustration towards his brother hit him. How could Dean push both Castiel's away when it was so obvious he wanted them? At least one. When they got back home, he would still have Cas and yet Dean continued to push him away. Sam would kill to have Gabriel waiting for him back home, but that wasn't possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute, the holidays have my head spinning! Lol


	22. Used to

When Dean and the angels arrived back to Castiel's house, Cas instantly went back to researching.

"Cas what are you doing?" Dean frowned at the angel, who was currently sifting through the pages of a book intently.

"I'm looking for a back up plan, in case our witch doesn't come through," Cas answered sharply, his eyes never leaving the book.

Dean's shoulder's slumped slightly at Cas' tone. The angel was upset again.

"Come on, man, what's got you pissy now? We finished the hunt, we're back, no one got hurt-"

"You did, Dean. You got hurt," Castiel corrected, his tone still sharp and his eyes still on the book.

"It was minor," Dean rolled his eyes, though it went unnoticed.

Cas didn't respond, instead continuing to flip through the many pages in front of him.

"Cas, I thought we were doing better. What happened?" Dean's tone sounded defeated. He was tired of fighting with Cas. It's all he ever did lately, and he hated it. He was sure they didn't even know why they were mad half the time.

"Do you even realize you do it or do you just not care that much?" Cas asked then, his voice lacking the sharp lilt it carried before. His eyes still didn't meet Dean, but they were no longer focused on the pages in front of him.

"What do you mean?" Dean frowned.

"When you call him Cas," The angel breathed out quietly, his eyes flicking up to meet Dean's finally. 

The confused frown on the hunter's face only grew more confused, "I haven't..." Dean trailed off as if trying to recall when he might have done such a thing.

"Unaware then," Cas nodded. He wasn't sure if that hurt worse than if Dean had been doing it intentionally. 

Dean's stomach felt heavy with guilt. He hadn't intended to ever call the other angel, Cas. 

"I'm sorry. You two are identical and he acts the way you used to and so-" instantly the guilt turned to regret as Cas' eyes snapped up to Dean.

"The way I used to," There was no emotion in the phrase. He was merely repeating the words. Processing them. 

"I just mean-"

"I know what you mean," Cas cut in. He stood from the table and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Dean called after the angel, but Cas didn't bother to stop or answer.

Cas threw open the front door to see Sam and Gabriel. 

"Cas," Sam smiled but it instantly faded when he saw the look on the angel's face.

"Cas, wait, don't go," Dean caught up to the door then.

"Sammy," Dean's tone was relieved. Sam could reason with Cas. 

"What's wrong?"

"Cas is leaving," Dean's tone was accusing, as if he were telling on a sibling.

"Leaving?" Sam frowned, "Where?"

"Home. You two can stay and play hunters in a strange land, but I'm done," Cas went to push past Sam, but Sam stepped further in the way.

"Cas, come on, don't do this."

"Sam, move or I'll move you myself," Cas' tone was tired, and the threat was more of a plea.

"Try anything and you go through me first," Gabriel stepped in closer to Sam.

Cas huffed out a sigh before turning back to Dean.

"Why are you doing this?" 

"Doing what? You're the one trying to leave."

"Because I don't want to watch you replace me any longer. I've accepted that it's happening, but you can't expect me to watch, Dean. We may be interchangeable to you but we're not the same."

Dean's lips parted to say something, anything but the words fell silent. 

"Dean," Sam's tone was begging Dean to say something. 

"You would accept that so easily, without a fight?" Dean didn't mean for that to be what he said and yet the words were said before he could process them.

"When are you going to learn that everything I do is for and because of you, Dean," Cas snapped.

"That's why you're leaving when I'm asking you not to?"

"For once, I'm asking you to do something for me. Let me go. You have what you want."

"I want you," Dean's voice broke around the words. He was sure he wasn't even in control of his own words at this point.

"You have me," Cas responded coldly, "I believe he's making you dinner as we speak."

"He's not you," Dean's jaw clenched. He was trying not to be angry at Cas. He was at fault for this, not Cas, but Cas was being a bit petulant.

"Are you sure? Cause you can't seem to stop calling him Cas. And I believe you said he acts like how I used to. He's fully powered and will do anything for you. You're right, he acts just like I used to, before the fall."

The last of Dean's calm was now gone.

"Damn it, Cas, when are you gonna get that I don't care that you're not at full power?" Dean barked, taking a step forward. 

"When you start acting like it," Cas snapped back.

"Dean, I don't mean to interrupt but-"

"Not now, Cas," Dean glanced over his shoulder at where the other angel had stepped into the hall, his voice slightly softer and yet still stern.

He turned back and instantly realized his mistake. 

"Fuck," he swore.

Cas turned on heel and shoved passed Sam and Gabriel. Neither one dared to stop him.

"Rowena has agreed to a meeting," Castiel continued, clearing his throat.

"The witch you told me about?" Sam glanced at Dean.

"I'm not doing this without Cas," Dean looked out to where Cas was making his way down the driveway.

"We're not leaving until we send Karma back, I thought," Sam frowned.

"Are you going to be the one to tell Cas we're sticking around to send her back cause I'm already on his shit list," Dean glanced back over, wanting so desperately to go after his angel.

"Can you blame him?" Sam snapped, "I'll go talk to him," he let out a sigh before turning to rush after the angel.

Castiel was trying to get enough grace together to transport himself away from here, but he needed to pick a place first and he didn't even know where to begin. He just knew he needed to get away from Dean. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update more now that the holidays are over!


	23. Promise me

Sam approached Cas carefully. He felt bad for the angel. His brother was terrible at talking about feelings and it seemed he had only done more damage in Sam's absence. 

"Cas," The younger Winchester started, his tone sympathetic.

"Please, Sam, don't fight his battles for him," Cas snapped, not turning to the other man.

"I'm not," Sam assured the angel. "I'm here because I don't want you to go."

Cas looked over at Sam with a slight frown on his tired features.

"You're family, Cas and no matter what my brother's done, that's not gonna change for me. I know things are tense between you two right now, but we should stick together. I know you don't like Castiel-"

"That's not it, Sam," Cas cut in. He turned so his body was now facing the hunter. "He likes Dean, a lot and Dean..." he glanced past Sam briefly.

"You think Dean likes him," Sam nodded.

"He's more human than I am. He eats and he drinks, and he laughs and hunts and he's fully powered..." Cas' eyes cast downward, regret eating at him. He'd made so many mistakes that lead him to this point. Could he really blame Dean for not wanting him?

"But he's not you," Sam put a comforting hand on Cas' shoulder.

"Tell that to Dean," Cas looked up and Sam was taken aback by the teary eyes that met his. He didn't think he'd ever seen Cas cry.

"You love him," Sam knew that look. He'd know that pain anywhere. He'd seen it in the mirror too many times not to recognize it.

"I tried not to, Sam. I knew it was wrong. An angel to love a human. I know Dean would never...I thought he would never...but seeing him with...I realize it's not that wouldn't, it's just that he doesn't."

Sam knew that couldn't be true. While Dean had never admitted it, he was sure that the oldest Winchester was head over heels for the angel.

"Tell him."

"No," Cas answered too quickly. "Not now. Not here. Please, Sam don't tell Dean."

"Promise me you'll stay," Sam wasn't one to blackmail, but if it kept Cas close and safe.

"What?"

"Promise me you'll stay, and I won't tell Dean."

Cas straightened his shoulders, "Fine."

Sam nodded. "You will tell him though, won't you?"

"When the time is right," Cas answered simply. 

Sam nodded before turning back to the cabin.

"I'll be in shortly, I just need a minute," Cas glanced down at the gravel driveway.

"Take all the time you need."

-

"We'll be meeting Rowena in the morning," Castiel spoke as he stepped into the kitchen with Dean on his heels.

"Okay."

"She also had a spell to lock Karma back up," Castiel handed over a beer which Dean gladly took.

"What do we need?" Gabriel asked eagerly from behind Dean.

Castiel held out a sheet of paper which Gabriel snatched before running off.

"Great, we can knock that out tonight then?" Dean turned to Castiel.

The angel only nodded. 

Dean leaned against the door jam, drawing a long swig of the cool liquid. 

"I'm gonna miss you," Castiel spoke up then, causing Dean to pause, beer bottle still to his lips.

"I know you won't miss me cause you have...him but...I will always cherish our time together, Dean," Castiel stepped towards the hunter.

"You two are different you know, you won't be forgotten either," Dean swallowed thickly as Castiel took another step forward.

"He's lucky to have you."

Despite the fact that Dean had just taken a long swing of his beer, his mouth was suddenly dry.

Castiel reached forward, his thumb brushing just under Dean's bottom lip.

Another thick swallow. 

"The righteous man. What an honor it must have been to be sent to save you."

Swallow.

Castiel leaned in ever so slightly.

Swallow.

Dean's heart thudded as Castiel's hand ran down his arm affectionately. 

Swallow.

Another slight lean forward and Dean was sure Castiel was intending to kiss him.

Swallow.

"Ahem," The sound of Sam clearing his voice from across the room jolted Dean from Castiel's trance.

Castiel backed away, a look of shame on his own face.

"Cas has agreed to stay," Sam emphasized the name of their angel as a jab at his brother.

Dean could only bring himself to nod.

"I should get dinner started," Castiel bowed his head in shame, careful to avoid Sam's glare. He didn't intend to do anything wrong; Dean was just so...Dean.

"Dean, got a minute?" Sam practically growled at his brother.

Without a word Dean followed Sam out of the kitchen and to the living room.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Dean set his beer on the table. He tried to play innocent, but Sam wasn't going to let him.

"I'm doing my best to undo the damage you've already done and you're in there getting cozy with Castiel? What the hell are you thinking? What if Cas had seen that?"

The thought hadn't even occurred to Dean. What if Cas had been behind Sam?

"I didn't know he was going to do that," Dean's tone dropped slightly, the guilt evident.

"So what it's his fault now?"

"Sam, he's different and it's nice. I don't fight with him or-"

"Stop," Sam held up a hand. "If you're going to sit here and tell me you prefer this Castiel because he's not problematic or some shit, I don't want to hear it."

"I fucked up, Sam. I kicked him out when he needed me most. I chose you over him and didn't even tell him why and now I can't even look at him without thinking about that."

"He forgives you. Hell, we both do."

"I don't deserve it."

"So, what? Treating him like he's nothing is the way to fix that?" Sam snapped, gesturing towards the front door.

"I don't know how to fix it," Dean's tone was lower now and his eyes showed the broken man he really was.

"I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to be honest with me," Sam lowered his voice, stepping in closer.

Dean frowned.

"Do you love him?"

Dean's mouth once again went dry. The beer he'd set on the table beckoned him forward, but he feared that the avoidance would give him away.

"What? Sammy come on, this is a serious conversation," Dean huffed turning away from his brother. He grabbed the beer before turning back.

"Why would you even ask that?"

"You were gonna let Castiel kiss you," Sam shrugged. "I wondered if maybe you wanted it to be Cas. Maybe you don't like Castiel all that much after all, you just miss Cas, but you don't feel worthy of him. Is that it?"

Dean rolled his eyes before taking a large swig of the cold liquid. 

Sam snorted a laugh. So that was it. Dean was replacing Cas with Castiel. But not because of anything Cas had done, but because Dean once again couldn't forgive himself.

-

Cas toed at the tiny rocks that lay embedded in the dirt of the driveway. He really didn't want to face Dean again. But they would be able to go home soon and then he could be free of the pain for good. A dull ache in his chest told him that Dean was once again longing. 

His head jerked towards the house. Part of him wanted to know what was making Dean long for Castiel but part of him was glad he didn't know. He wasn't sure which would hurt him more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a few days, I'm going to visit my best friend for a week so I won't be able to update until I get back.  
> But I hope you enjoy!


	24. I'll miss you

The silence in between the brothers was deafening. Dean didn't have an argument and Sam didn't know how to convince Dean that he should forgive himself for what happened between him and Cas.

"Don't give me that look," Dean spoke somewhere between a sneer and a plead.

Sam hadn't even realized he'd been giving his brother the sympathetic 'I wish I could help you' look that he so often did when it came to Cas.

"Try talking to him. I know it's not your strong suit but-"

"You think I haven't tried? Every time I think I'm making progress with him I fuck it up. And apparently, I can't stop calling Castiel Cas," Dean threw up the hand not holding his beer.

"Maybe you should stop trying to replace Cas with Castiel," Sam offered.

"You're one to talk. Kissing Gabriel?" Dean scoffed. He knew it was a low blow, but he didn't like being called out.

"Our Gabriel is Dead. I lost my chance. Yours is outside, giving up on you," Sam snapped before stepping by his brother. He couldn't believe Dean was using that against him. He knew how upset Sam was and how hard it was for him to be around this Gabriel.

"Sam," Dean sighed, turning to watch the younger Winchester stalk out of the room.

Sam ignored his brother. He didn't want to talk to him anymore. Instead, he found Gabriel in the library, sifting through several different books.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Sam frowned.

"Looking up the exact Demoniac sigils we'll need for this spell. Want to help?" Gabriel looked up, flashing a smiled that shot a painful twist through Sam's gut.

"Sure," Sam would gladly spend his last hours here with Gabriel. It would be the last time he'd ever get to see those golden eyes or hear that voice say his name.

"Are you alright?" Gabriel frowned when Sam didn't move.

"I just realized how much I'll miss you when we leave," Sam's frown deepened as he realized tears were pressing at the back of his eyes.

"Aww come on, Sammy, it's not really me you'll miss. It's him," Gabriel gave a soft smile. A sadness in his eyes.

Sam pursed his lips and dropped his eyes to the ground. The truth of that sentence stung.

"But I'll miss you."

Sam squeezed his eyes shut. That too stung. 

Gabriel set aside the book he was looking through and made his way to Sam. He grabbed the hunter's hands and held them in his own.

"You know I'd ask you to stay if I thought there was a chance you would even consider it. But I know you won't, and I respect that."

Sam looked up, the tears in his eyes making the green shine brightly.

"I'd ask you to come back with me, but I know you can't and we both know it's not the same," Sam dropped his eyes to Gabriel's lips briefly, remembering what it felt like and wishing it had been his Gabriel.

"I know I'm not him, and I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you. But I'm glad I got to meet you. He was lucky to have you."

Sam swallowed hard but before he could answer, Castiel cleared his throat at the door.

Sam snatched his hands from Gabriel's and took a step back.

"Dinner's ready."

Sam glanced at the other angel expecting a glare but there was only a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Great, I have one more sigil to find and we'll have everything we need for the spell," Gabriel glanced over at the discarded book behind him.

Sam wiped at a stray tear that had made it's way to the edge of his eye as he followed Castiel and Gabriel to the dinner table.

"Should someone get Cas?" Gabriel glanced towards the front door. He hadn't come back in yet.

"He doesn't eat," Dean said his eyes on his brother. He noticed the way his eyes glistened with unshed tears. Had he done that? Guilt crept up his spine for not the first time that day. Why couldn't he stop hurting the people he cared about?

"Castiel, I want to thank you for allowing us to stay here. I know it's been...difficult," Sam tossed a glance at his brother.

"I'm happy to help. I only hope this witch is able to get you home as she promised."

"What kind of payment did she want for her help?" Dean asked then. A bite of pasta paused at his lips.

"A vile of angel grace for the spell for Karma," Castiel answered.

"And for the ride home?" Dean eyed Castiel curiously. He may not know this Castiel well, but he knew avoidance when he saw it.

Castiel pushed a noodle around his plate without answering.

"Damn it, Cas...tiel. I knew this was a bad idea," Dean caught himself as he set his fork down to focus his attention on the angel.

"It wasn't a bad idea," Castiel finally met Dean's eyes. "She said the payment would be discussed at the time of service."

"That's not shady as hell," Dean rolled his eyes.

"I'll pay whatever she requires. You don't have to worry," Castiel assured the hunter, but Dean wasn't reassured. In fact that only worried him more.

"I don't like it."

"Cas warned me you would be this way if we involved her," Castiel nodded, returning to his plate.

"Because witches can't be trusted," Dean growled.

"Castiel's right, whatever she requires, we'll make sure you get home," Gabriel's eyes were on Sam as he spoke.

"It's bad enough you've agreed to give angel grace, who knows what more she'll ask for," Dean threw his hands up. 

"She assured me the angel grace was a rare ingredient and wouldn't be used against me."

"And you believed her?" Dean scoffed. Perhaps this Castiel and his weren't so different after all.

"So what if she lied? People are dying, Dean. Karma has to be stopped. If giving a witch some of my grace is the way to stop that then so be it," Castiel growled, his blue eyes focused on Dean harshly. It definitely reminded him of Cas.

"I don't like it," Dean growled back.

"It's my grace. I already agreed to it."

Dean's jaw clenched. Of all the ways these two angels could be similar it had to be their stubbornness. 

"Fine, but the price tomorrow is up to me. If I don't like it, it doesn't happen. Got it?"

"Dean," Castiel started, his tone mostly a sigh.

"Got it?" Dean cut in. His tone more determined.

"Okay," Castiel conceded with a nod.

He either thought that was fair or he would fight that battle when they came to it, either way it gave Dean the satisfaction he wanted. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back! Hope you enjoy!


	25. Cemetery

Dean made his way towards where his angel was sitting on a stump, his hands pulling apart a fallen leaf.

"Cas," Dean's tone was less confidant than he'd hoped.

Cas paused his fingers, but didn't respond or even bother to look at the hunter.

"We're heading to the cemetery to lock Karma back up. You comin'?" 

Cas' jaw clenched as he crushed the dried leaf in his hand before standing.

Dean tensed, his shoulders straightening as he braced for a reaction.

Instead Cas stepped by him and made his way towards where Sam was waiting anxiously by the cars with the other two angels.

Dean wanted to reach out to Cas and apologize, beg for his forgiveness, but instead he followed him to the waiting cars in silence. 

"I'm gonna beam ahead, scope the place out," Gabriel said, once the other two arrived.

"Would you mind if I came with you?" Cas asked, a desperation in his eyes.

Gabriel glanced at Castiel then Sam. Sam gave a small nod, careful to avoid his brother's hurt expression.

"Sure, we'll meet the rest of you there," Gabriel put a hand on Cas' shoulder and they were gone.

The brothers and Castiel climbed into the car to follow behind.

The ride was quiet for the first few moments until Castiel spoke up. 

"I didn't mean to cause tension between you and...Cas," He glanced over at Dean, who sat in the passenger's seat.

Dean frowned but didn't respond.

"The tension wasn't caused by you Castiel. It was already there," Sam piped in when it was obvious Dean wasn't going to dissuade his guilt.

"Do you fight like this often?" Castiel continued.

"Not really, no," Dean turned his eyes out the passenger side window. 

"The distance I mentioned..." Castiel tossed another glance.

"My fault," Dean answered shortly.

"He forgives you. I can tell."

"It's not up to Cas to forgive him," Sam cut in from the backseat then, a glare set on his brother.

"You can't forgive yourself," Castiel nodded in understanding.

"It's complicated," Dean shook his head, a new frustration in his tone.

"It's really not, Dean," Sam snapped. He was tired of watching his brother throw away good things in his life just because he felt like he didn't deserve them.

Dean cut his eyes at his brother.

A tense silence filled the car then and it remained silent for the rest of the ride. Dean couldn't be sure if he was thankful for it or not.

-

"So how long have you and Dean been in love with each other?" Gabriel asked as they walked along the cemetery perimeter.

"We're not," Cas growled.

"Right," Gabriel drawled out, with a roll of his eyes.

"Whatever Dean has going on with your brother has nothing to do with me," Cas snapped. Anger and pain surged in his chest like bad heartburn. He remembered that feeling from being human. 

"Castiel and Dean? Please, there's nothing going on there. Dean is way too in love with you. Castiel is just jealous of you."

This gave Cas pause. "What?"

"Cassie tried to be with a human once. Neil...it was messy and it didn't go well. But Dean...well, he gets it. He's a hunter and he loves you. Cassie wants that. He wants to be you."

Cas furrowed his brow. "Dean doesn't love me. Not in that way," he shook his head.

"Right, just like Sam didn't love the other me?" Gabriel raised a brow.

Cas frowned. He wasn't entirely sure about that.

"So maybe you don't know them that well."

"Gabriel is...no longer around. How would I know if Sam ever...it didn't come up. He does seem rather fond of you, but I just assumed he felt guilty for what happened with the other..." Cas shook his head in confusion.

"I'm just saying, at the end of the day, Dean goes home with you," Gabriel nudged Cas' shoulder with his own as he pushed open the cemetery gates. The mausoleum in sight now.

Cas didn't respond to that. What Gabriel didn't know was that Cas wasn't planning on staying once they got home.

-

It didn't take long for the others to reach the cemetery. It had remained empty, thankfully, which meant that Karma would be weak. 

"Okay, we have to do the spell in the mausoleum. It takes two to do the spell so the other three have to keep her distracted," Gabriel said, staring down at the spell in his hands.

"She put the angel warding back up and there's no time to take it down and enact the spell. She'll wipe us out before we have the chance," Cas spoke next.

"Sam you've always been good with spell work. You should work on the spell. Cas can-" Dean was cut off before he could finish.

"I'm not good without my grace. I'll help Sam," Gabriel cut in. 

Dean's shoulders slumped slightly. He would be working with both Castiel's again. Not exactly his favorite thing.

"She'll be mostly drawn to Dean, his guilt is the strongest. Our job is to keep her from completing any kind of sacrifice and keep her from realizing you two are doing any spell. Us three will go in first. Act like we plan to kill her. While you two stay out here until we have her good and distracted. Then you come in and stay up stairs. Do the spell and hope this works," Castiel began giving out orders.

"What if it doesn't? What if the witch gave you the wrong spell? What if she tricked you?" Dean growled. He was less than happy with Castiel's comment about his guilt being the strongest, even if it was true.

"We make a run for it," Gabriel answered.

"Okay, let's do it," Sam nodded when no on responded. It was now or never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small update for you. I'm sorry It's been so long. I'm really struggling with motivation for this story for some reason. 😫😫


	26. Guilt

Cas wanted to reach for Dean, tell him to be careful, tell him he'd watch over him, but he didn't. Instead he followed behind the hunter silently as they made their way down the old stone stairs. Castiel led the trio down, his angel blade at the ready. None of them knew what to expect. Karma hadn't 'fed' in days. She should be weak, but she would also be angry, desperate. They had to be prepared for anything.

"You're back," The familiar voice of Karma spoke from across the dark damp crypt. 

"We came to kill you," Dean sneered, placing himself beside Castiel now.

"Is that so?" Her eyes scanned the three of them. 

"With what? You have nothing that can kill me," She laughed, though it lacked it's previous melody. It was raw and bitter now. She stepped forward and the dim light from the few minimal windows letting in what little light was left outside. It showed just how worse for wear she was. Her eyes sunken behind her glasses. Her cheeks hallowed and her complexion paled.

"You're weak. It won't take much," Dean taunted, and besides. "Who says we have nothing that can kill you?"

Karma, clearly not in the mood to be taunted, lunged at Dean. 

The two angels made their move at the same time, each shoving an angel blade into a side. 

She let out a shout and with a wave of both hands threw the angels back into the far wall of the crypt, before pulling the blades from her sides.

Dean now made his move, he swung his blade, thrusting it into her chest.

She let out a horrid gasp. Her eyes were fierce as she turned them on the hunter. Not bothering to remove the blade just yet, she threw dean back into the floor.

He fought against her magic, but she was too strong.

"You're right," She growled as she pulled the blade from her chest and tossed it aside. "I am weak. So I'm going to forgo the ritual part and I'm just going to take your guilt. I'll save the ritual for your friends. Then once I'm strong enough. I'll break the binds that hold me here and I will be free." 

She pressed a hand to Dean's chest. It felt like someone had set a fifty-pound weight on him. He opened his mouth, gaping for breath, but none came. His ears rang loudly and his vision started to dim on the edges but not before he saw Cas land an angel blade in the center on Karma's back.

She yanked away from Dean with a hiss, but before she could react, Castiel thrust his blade into her gut.

Dean tried to pull breath into his lungs, but nothing was happening. His vision continued to fade out before fading back in.

Castiel grabbed Dean under his arms and pulled the hunter away from Karma's reach while Cas removed his blade and jabbed her again in the back.

Just when Dean was sure he'd die without oxygen, his lungs filled with air in a sharp gasp. His hearing returned in time to hear Cas cry out as Karma pulled the blade from her gut and shoved it into Cas' side.

"No!" Dean shouted with what little breathe he had. He expected a white light to erupt from the angel, but none came. It was then Dean remembered the angel warding rendered them human within the crypt.

Dean huffed out in relief. For a brief moment, he thought he'd watched Cas die in front of him. The reality that things were so very wrong between them was so heavy that he felt nauseous.

"Oh that's rich," Karma stood up, licking her lips as if she could taste Dean's guilt in the air. Hell, maybe she could. In fact, by the way she was eyeing Dean, he was sure she could.

"He'll bleed out and he'll die. I'm guessing by the guilt in your aura, that's not gonna sit well with you," She practically purred. 

"You've got to get him out of here," Dean looked to Castiel, a pleading in his eyes that he hoped the angel would understand.

"Dean, I can't do that," Castiel frowned at the hunter.

"Castiel, please, you have to heal him," He glanced at a now unconscious Cas.

"Dean, she'll kill you," Castiel was using a tone that Cas has used on him so many times before.

"I can hold her off. Please," There were tears in Dean's eyes now. "I love him." His voice was weak and quiet as he admitted it.

Castiel's jaw clenched slightly but he bolted for Cas.

Karma let out a laugh, "Oh and there it is. The death of a loved one. There's nothing worse than the guilt of that. Unless...He doesn't know...oh this is gold," She clapped her hands.

Dean's lip pulled up into a snarl. "He won't die."

"But you will, and you'll never have resolved the obvious tension between you two. You'll die and he'll think you hated him. You'll leave him behind thinking he wasn't good enough for you. That, I imagine, will sting."

A new roll of guilt swept over Dean.

"And that's assuming your little friend heals him in time and that your lover doesn't come and try to avenge your death. Which, well, then I'll kill him. Are you really worth it?"

Dean was sick with how awful he felt.

"Mmmm, there it is," Karma licked her lips again. 

"You're baiting me," Dean realized.

"Oh no, sweetie, I'm just saying what you're already thinking. It's why you haven't told him, right? You know you're not good enough? He deserves better? But you're selfish and you can't let him go," Karma knelt in front of Dean and placed a hand on Dean's chest once again.

Dean wanted to fight back, wanted to run, but he'd been lying to Castiel when he told him he could hold her off. He was weak. He couldn't stand if he wanted to. He probably wouldn't be able to hold a gun if it was put in his hand. But Cas' life was more important. 

-

Sam finished spraying the sigils around the walls. "Okay, we're good."

"Okay almost done setting up here," Gabriel nodded as he lit the last candle.

At that moment Castiel breached the top of the stairs carrying an unconscious and bleeding Cas.

"What happened?" Sam asked, eyes wide with concern.

"I have to get him out of here so I can heal him."

"Where's Dean?"

"He's still fighting. You have to finish the spell."

"I need to help Dean," Sam went to go for the stairs but Gabriel caught Sam's wrist.

"I need you. Two people, remember? You can't defeat her. This is the only way," Gabriel gestured to the bowl of ingredients.

Sam seemed to be debating for a moment.

"Sam, come on," Gabriel urged the hunter.

Sam finally gave in, kneeling across from Gabriel, and taking his hands.

Castiel laid Cas on the grass and used his grace to heal the wound. It didn't take long for Cas to wake up much to the other angel's relief.

Cas bolted up and looked around.

"Dean, where's Dean?"

"He's still inside, he made me-" before Castiel could finish his sentence, Cas was bolting back into the mausoleum. 

Sam and Gabriel were chanting the spell as the two angels darted past them and down the stairs.

Just as they reached the bottom a large hole opened in the middle of the floor and Karma let out a piercing scream. She was yanked back into the hole and away from where she had been draining Dean. The hole closed just as quickly as it opened.

"Dean," Cas ran to the now unconscious hunter across the room.

He knelt next to him and checked for a pulse. It was there much to Cas' relief. He turned a murderous glare to Castiel just as Sam and Gabriel reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Dean," Sam rushed to his brother's side.

"You left him alone," Cas growled at Castiel, standing to his feet.

"He asked me to," Castiel answered, his tone apologetic.

"I don't care."

"You were dying."

"I. Don't. Care."

"He begged me-"

"You don't get it," Castiel snapped, cutting the other angel off. "Dean comes first, always, no matter what."

"You didn't see how upset he was," Castiel snapped back. He was done being sorry for what he did.

"I've seen Dean upset before," Cas growled. 

"I doubt you've seen the look on his face when he's lost you," Castiel growled back.

"Okay, hey, let's get Dean out of here so we can get him all healed up, yeah?" Gabriel cut in, stepping between the two seraphim.

Cas turned and stalked out of the mausoleum behind Sam who was already carrying Dean up the stairs. Gabriel was right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!


	27. Care

When the angels reached Sam and Dean's side outside of the mausoleum Sam had Dean on the ground and was kneeling beside him. 

"Dean?" Sam cupped his brother's cheeks, trying to wake him gently.

Cas knelt next to Sam, "Allow me."

"Cas, your grace," Sam caught his arm, stopping him.

"Allow me," Castiel knelt beside Cas.

"You've done enough," Cas stood yanking Castiel with him, and shoving him back.

"Gabe," Sam turning pleading eyes to the archangel.

Gabriel reached over and pressed a hand to Dean's forehead. He felt hot and weak beneath his touch. Any longer and there may not have been anything left to heal. 

"I'm only trying to help," Castiel huffed, stepping back away from Cas.

"Help? How was leaving him to die helping?" Cas growled, taking a hostile step forward.

"I know you're angry, but I was only doing what he asked."

"Why? Why would you do that? Did you really think saving me was going to gain you favor in his eyes? You already have it. And what good would it do you if he's dead?" Cas wasn't relenting. 

"Cas," Dean's voice pulled the angel's attention from Castiel. He turned to see Sam and Gabriel had helped Dean to his feet. He looked better. The color was back in his face and he was shoving Sam and Gabe away as he stood on his own.

"Don't be mad at him," Dean's tone was soft with a hint of worry. His eyes glancing past Cas to the other angel briefly.

Cas' relief didn't last long. The anger he felt wasn't only towards Castiel it was just as much towards Dean.

"I told him to leave me," Dean stepped forward. His eyes flitting to the tear in Cas' shirt where the angel blade had pierced it.

"I'm well aware," Cas growled, his eyes glaring at Dean harshly.

Dean's own green eyes met Cas' once again. "You can be mad all you want-"

"I'm not mad, Dean. I'm furious. How could you be so stupid? You almost died," Cas snapped, cutting Dean off.

"Almost," Dean held his arms out with a smirk.

Sam closed his eyes as he braced. Dean wasn't taking this seriously and Cas was growing more pissed by the second. There was no way Cas was going to stick around if Dean kept this up. "Dean," he huffed. Hoping his brother would get the hint.

Cas' jaw clenched as he shoved by Dean and towards Gabriel. "I'd like you to take us to Rowena now."

"Cas, man, come on," Dean huffed out, turning to grab the angel's arm. 

"No, Dean," Cas yanked his arm from Dean's grasp, as he turned back to face the hunter. "You don't get it. You almost died."

Dean's posture instantly straightened, and all teasing left his face, "I don't get it? I watched her stab you with an angel blade. That would have been the end of you if it weren't for the angel warding making you human in there," Dean's finger jabbed towards the mausoleum and his voice started to rise. "So don't tell me I don't get it. If I hadn't forced him to take you out of there, you would have bled out, like a damn human. I do get it. I just wasn't about to accept it. So excuse me for putting you first like I should. Like I always should have."

"So this is about you trying to make up for past mistakes?" Cas narrowed his eyes, his tone no less sharp than before.

Dean's jaw clenched but he didn't respond.

"I told you I already forgave you for that. You were looking out for Sam. I would never fault you for that." 

"Then why the hell are things so distant between us?" Dean snapped. He just couldn't take it anymore. 

"Because I'm no longer the kind of angel you need," Cas answered in a low tone that said he was more angry than hurt but the look on his face said it was the other way around.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Dean snapped, a confused frown pulling at his features.

"You know exactly what it means," Cas answered bitterly before turning back to Gabriel expectantly.

"Ummm, I guess we'll meet you at Rowena's?" Gabriel looked to Castiel and then Sam.

Sam only nodded.

A moment of silence passed once Gabriel and Cas left. 

"You're an idiot, Dean," Sam turned to his brother.

Dean closed his eyes and dropped his head. He had nothing to say.

"We should go before Cas goes home without us," Sam gestured to the exit. He wouldn't say anything now, but he had it on good authority that Cas wouldn't be sticking around once they got home.

Castiel nodded in agreement as Sam headed towards the waiting car.

"You didn't tell him," Castiel turned to Dean once Sam was out of earshot.

"Neither did you," Dean looked at the other angel with a grateful look.

"I didn't think it was my place." 

Dean knew the look on the angel's face was asking him why he didn't, but he wasn't going to answer. He didn't want to lecture. He knew he'd get it from Sam later and that was bad enough. He didn't need it from Cas' look alike as well.

"He thinks you don't care," Castiel spoke again when Dean started towards the exit. "You need to let him know you do."

"He knows I care, just not quite how much," Dean answered, not stopping.

"He doesn't. He thinks you asking me to save him is out of guilt. That doesn't sound like someone who knows how important they are," Castiel continued.

Dean whipped around. "Are you telling me I don't care about Cas enough?" his tone was threatening as if daring the angel to challenge how he felt for Cas.

"Not at all, Dean. I can see it. I'm simply saying, I don't believe he sees it. You should make it clearer."

"I sent you to save his life, how much clearer can I get?" Dean huffed.

"Tell him," Castiel offered.

Dean gave a snort before throwing open the car door and promptly ending the conversation. 

Talking about his feelings wasn't something Dean was good at. He was an actions guy. That's what he was good at. Sam and Cas knew that. If he couldn't express how he felt through his actions, he simply didn't express them. Cas knew Dean cared about him. He just didn't know that Dean was in love with him. But that was how Dean wanted it. Cas didn't feel the same way and Dean didn't feel like ruining what they had. Although what they had seemed pretty well ruined by this point. 

Dean shook his head of the thoughts; he couldn't think about that right now. Right now, he had to worry about the witch whose trap they were likely walking into. He hated witches, man. So what the first spell worked well? That didn't mean the second one would. Witches were bad news, that's what he needed to think about. Not the fact that Cas hated him and that telling him he loved him might or might not make things worse.

Dean ran a hand over his face. God, he missed the apocalypse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it. 😊


	28. Rowena

The large Victorian style house towered over the three angels and the two hunters. It looked inviting despite the fact that it belonged to a witch. The dark grey shutters stood out against the stark white paint. The front yard manicured to perfection with flowers and herbs of every kind.

"Are you one hundred percent sure about this Castiel?" Dean asked in a low tone as they neared the front porch, careful not to shorten the angel's name on accident.

"I know that you don't know me, but I'm asking you to trust me on this, Dean," Castiel turned to look at the hunter with pleading blue eyes.

They reminded him of Cas. His Cas. The Cas standing just behind him. 

Dean didn't respond for fear of his voice cracking. Cas was his weakness and Castiel wasn't far behind. He knew this wasn't his angel, but he was similar. Too similar.

Just as then the front door opened to a large balding man in a suit. 

"She's waiting," he spoke gruffly. 

"Thank you," Castiel stepped forward but Dean reached out, grabbing the angel's arm and pulling him back.

Dean stepped forward, putting himself first.

Cas tried not to let the sight bother him. He tried to tell himself Dean would have done that no matter who had stepped forward first, but deep down he knew it was because it was Castiel. Dean was protective of those he cared about and there was no denying that Dean cared about Castiel.

The group was led through the front door and into a large living area where a thin red headed woman in a long red dress was sipping from a tiny tea cup.

"Well hello boys," She set her cup down and stood. "Welcome to my home. I'm-"

"Rowena, we know," Dean cut in with a sharp tone.

"You must be one of the hunters trying to get home," Rowena scanned him with her eyes before doing the same with Sam. Her gaze then flitted to Gabriel before landing on the two Castiel's. "Oh, now this is interesting."

Dean narrowed his eyes at her.

"One of you doesn't belong here," She wiggled a perfectly painted nail between the identical angels.

"Yes, I contacted you about your help getting them back," Castiel stepped forward.

"Ah, you're the one who owe's me grace. However, you didn't tell me you had an archangel in your midsts." 

"He's more valuable to you," Castiel straightened his shoulders. He hadn't mentioned Gabriel to her.

"I believe my price just went up," She smirked.

"Damn witches, what I tell you?" Dean whirled around to face Castiel, his eyes fierce and accusing.

"A vial of each of our grace. What else?" Gabriel asked, stepping forward, ignoring Dean.

"A feather, from him," Rowena pointed at Cas.

"Like hell," Dean growled, stepping between Cas and the red headed witch. No way was he letting his Cas give this witch anything. 

"Those are my terms," She held her hands up, palms towards the ceiling.

"I'll give you that," Gabriel agreed easily.

"Yours will not do, I'm afraid," Rowena gave a false pout. "It must be an angel from another world."

Dean's lips pulled into a sneer. "Why?" 

"It's a rare ingredient," She grinned, turning her eyes to Dean. "Don't worry, it's completely harmless. After they're retrieved of course." 

Dean's eyes narrowed.

"Dean," Cas spoke up then. His tone said to back off, that it wasn't worth the fight.

"Cas," Sam looked worriedly at him now. He knew how hurt the angel had been after the fall. 

"How many?" Cas asked, looking to Rowena. He ignored the hunters. He just wanted to get home.

"There's three of you, so I think three is fair, wouldn't you agree?"

Cas let out a sigh but reached behind him and, with a painful wince, plucked three feathers from his already broken and battered wings.

"Damnit Cas," Dean swore. He then turned to Castiel. "You promised to pay this."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel looked down in guilt.

Cas stepped up next to Dean. He held out three black feathers. His fingers smeared in his own blood.

"Cas," Dean gripped the angel's wrist. 

"It's fine, Dean," Cas yanked his hand away when Rowena took the feathers. Cas would never admit how much pulling feathers and summoning them to the physical plane hurt. But the look on Gabriel's face told Dean everything he needed to know. That and the blood that Cas had now smeared on his trench coat.

"Cas," Dean wanted to reach out to the angel, to comfort him, offer him solace of some kind, but Cas was already talking to Rowena.

"This spell, how does it work?"

"Well typically it requires a loved one on the other side," She glanced between Dean and Cas before turning to Sam.

"What if the ones we love most are here?" Sam asked with a frown.

Rowena scoffed. "Oh please, don't tell me you're vying for the same person."

"What? No," Sam shook his head frantically, his eyes darting to Gabriel.

"Oh. I see. Well. Then in that case. I can use a loved one that has passed. It will take you to their last location instead of taking you to the location of your loved one, but it will get you home."

"Will it work if you love someone else more?" Dean asked with a frown.

"Unfortunately, not. It has to be the one you love most."

"Okay," Sam nodded.

Dean turned to Sam with a raised brow. 

"I can do it," Sam swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. He knew that he loved Gabriel more than anything. It would hurt like hell to see the last place he'd died but he could do it if it meant getting home.

"Perfect, I'll get the ingredients together, and give you time to say your goodbyes," Rowena clapped her hands together before walking out of the room.

"Sammy, are you sure about this?" Dean turned to his brother with concerned eyes.

Sam only nodded, though his expression said he was anything but.

"Sam," Gabriel stepped forward then, his eyes looking at him the way Gabe's had once. 

That was all it took for Sam's eyes to spring with tears. 

Gabriel pulled him into him. 

Sam allowed his tears to spill onto the archangel's shirt, his hands gripping at the thin fabric.

Dean watched with pained eyes as the angel held his brother. He so badly wanted to be able to take his brother's pain away, but he didn't know how.

"You can get through this," Gabriel spoke into Sam's ear as he held the hunter close, rubbing comforting circles along his back.

"I miss him and being here with you has been..." Sam trailed off. He pulled back so he could look into Gabriel's eyes.

"Hard, I know," Gabriel's eyes looked sad.

"Hearing your voice say my name. Seeing your lips smile at me. Your eyes..." Sam trailed off once again. 

Gabriel reached a hand up, brushing away a falling tear.

"Thank you," Sam smiled sadly.

"The pleasure was truly mine. I can't imagine how lucky he was to have gotten to truly know you," Gabriel smiled up at Sam.

"She's ready for you," The man that had greeted them at the door appeared then, pulling Sam and Gabriel from their conversation.

Gabriel pushed up onto his toes to place a kiss on Sam's cheek. Sam closed his eyes and dropped his head as Gabriel pulled away.

"See ya, Sammy. Bye Dean. Good luck, Cas." Gabriel nodded at the other two as he stepped back.

"Thanks for everything, Castiel," Sam smiled at the other angel, wiping at his eyes.

"Thank you for your help as well. And good luck on your own endeavors," Castiel offered a small smile.

"Cas gave a curt nod to Gabriel and promptly ignored the other angel as he and Sam started to follow Rowena's henchman.

"Dean," Castiel grabbed Dean's arm before he could leave.

"Thanks for everything, Castiel," Dean was frowning.

"Make things right. You both deserve it," Castiel glanced at Cas before releasing Dean.

Dean didn't respond, instead he gave a stiff smile and turned to look at Gabriel. "You two take care."

He turned then to follow his brother and his angel home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while. I'm having to homeschool my son and teaching second grade fucking suuucks! Anyway, I'll try to get another one up in a couple days. I'm actually excited about what I have planned next. 
> 
> P.s. I wrote this mildly intoxicated, so forgive me if it's terrible. 😂


	29. Guys

Stress ate at Dean's gut like rust consuming iron as he stepped into the room where Rowena awaited them. In the room was a mirror. The mirror, Dean guessed. It was simple as far as mirror's went. Taller than most perhaps, but the gold frame was bland and the glass that reflected his tired eyes was nothing spectacular. 

"You'll need to go first, Samuel, as it's your lover and you'll need to think of them when you step through the mirror," Rowena gestured for Sam to step forward.

Dean's jaw clenched but he refrained from saying anything as Sam shot him a look. Now wasn't the time to argue is what it said. He had to trust this witch and he wasn't happy about it.

"Whenever you boys are ready," Rowena nodded with pursed lips. 

Sam took a deep breath and thought of Gabriel's golden eyes and wily smile as he stepped through the mirror.

The reflective glass melded around Sam's large figure, allowing him to step through. 

"Next," Rowena smiled at Dean once Sam disappeared.

Dean turned to Cas, his mind reeling with memories of purgatory. The way he'd tried to so hard to get both him and Cas out, get them home. How Cas had let go last minute, leaving Dean to go through alone. No way was he going to allow that to happen again.

Dean reached out and grabbed Cas' shoulder before promptly shoving Cas through the gold frame, much to the angel's surprise. No way was he giving Cas the chance to stay behind again. 

Once Dean stepped through the mirror, Cas whirled around on him with sharp eyes but before he could say anything, Dean was already making a fuss.

"This isn't where we were supposed to go. That witch lied. What did I tell you?" Dean snapped, taking in his surroundings. They had expected to land in the old hotel where Gabriel had sacrificed himself so that the Winchesters could escape Lucifer, but this was no hotel. In fact, they weren't even sure where they were.

The building was old and musty. Perhaps an old jail? It smelled of rotting eggs and mold. It was dark and the hallway they seemed to be occupying were lined with cell doors.

"Damn it, Cas. This is why we don't trust witches," Dean turned an accusing glare to the angel.

"Guys," Sam spoke, frowning at a jail cell to his right.

"Why are you blaming me, this wasn't my idea," Cas snapped back.

"You're the one who wanted to get home so bad. You couldn't wait to find a safer way."

"Guys," Sam spoke more adamantly, his eyes not leaving the cell as he walked cautiously towards it.

"We were running out of options. I'm sorry that your angel's witch didn't come through, but don't blame me," Cas stepped towards Dean angrily.

"Don't do that, Cas. He's not my-"

"Guys," Sam cut Dean off harshly.

Cas and Dean turned to Sam with annoyed looks, "What?" they chorused before seeing what he was seeing.

Huddled in one corner of the jail cell was Gabriel. Their Gabriel.

Sam grabbed at the lock and went to reach for his lock pick, but his shaking hands caused him to drop it.

"Sam, allow me," Cas gently took the lock from Sam's hand and yanked, breaking the lock with ease.

Sam shoved the creaking door open and fumbled forward. His legs barely carried him to the archangel's side before giving out, sending his knees cracking to the cement. He would pay for that later, but right now he didn't care. Right now, all he cared about was Gabriel. His Gabriel.

The angel looked like a spooked animal, cowering in the corner, his lips sewn together, his outfit nothing but rags. 

"Gabe," Sam's voice broke around the name.

Gabriel blinked at the man in front of him, the confusion and then relief in his eyes were evident.

"Where the hell are we?" Dean demanded, looking around. There was nothing that gave away their location.

"We've got to get him out of here," Sam looked over at Cas and his brother with worried eyes.

"He's depleted," Cas commented, leaning over to inspect Gabriel.

The archangel nodded and held up his wrists to show that he had Enochian handcuffs on.

"Great," Dean threw his hands up in annoyance.

"Dean, why don't you check the area for any threats. It's unlikely he was left here alone," Cas pulled out his angel blade, holding it out to Dean.

"How the hell are we gonna get him home? We don't have proper weapons. We don't have a car. We don't have the keys to those handcuffs. We don't even know who did this to him," Dean growled snatching the blade from Cas.

"We'll handle this, just find out where we are," Cas huffed, shooting Dean an impatient glare.

Sam already had a small switchblade he kept on him, out and was carefully cutting the threads keeping Gabriel's mouth shut.

Gabriel remained still as he let Sam work.

"Can you get those off?" Cas asked once Dean was out of earshot.

"We have keys at the bunker," Sam answered as he carefully cut another thread.

"Dean's right we don't have a car," Cas sighed, looking at Gabriel sympathetically.

"It's not the first time we've stolen one, we'll figure it out," Sam was too concerned with getting the thread out of Gabriel's lips.

"I can...I can try and..."Cas trailed off, his eyes dropping in shame.

"Cas, no, you're grace is depleted too and-"

"I can do it, Sam," Cas snapped. He knew that it wasn't the smartest thing but getting them home was important. Gabriel was hurt and who knew where they were or what they would be up against.

"Alright, I counted seven demons total. Well nine, but there's only seven left," Dean shrugged, spinning the angel blade in hand before handing it back to Cas as he appeared back in the cell.

Sam snipped the last and final thread. "There you go, that's the last of them," he spoke gently, he hand brushing Gabriel's cheek gently.

"Who did this to you?" Dean demanded, looking down at Gabriel.

"Dean," Sam snapped up at his brother, his eyes glaring daggers.

"Asmodeus," Gabriel spoke quietly, his voice raw and broken, like he'd swallowed sand or shards of glass.

"Who the hell is Asmodeus?" Dean sneered at the unknown name.

"Nobody good. We should leave before he finds out we're here," Cas growled before grabbing Dean's hand along with Sam's.

Sam knowing what was coming, instantly grabbed Gabriel's arm.

Instantly the four were inside the bunker.

Cas leaned against the wall, dizzy and mildly nauseous. That was getting harder to do. 

"Cas," Sam looked at the angel with worried eyes at the same time that Dean snapped at him.

"Damn it, Cas."

"I'm fine. We should worry about Gabriel," Cas nodded towards the archangel.

Dean and Sam thankfully turned their attention to the other angel. He took precedence at the moment. That's what Cas wanted. Once he recovered a bit and made sure his brother was okay in the Winchesters care, he could leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!


	30. Closest thing

Sam helped the archangel get changed into some of Dean's old clothes. The plain t shirt hung a bit longer on the smaller man, but it was better than the rags he was in before. The jeans fit well other than being too long, but he just rolled them up. 

When Gabriel stepped out of Sam's room, clean and dressed, the hunter opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the words fell silent.

"Thank you," Gabriel spoke weakly, his voice still raw.

Sam felt his resolve slipping. He grabbed Gabriel and pulled him into his chest.

Gabriel gripped harshly back, as if Sam might disappear if he didn't hold tight enough.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. We thought you were..." Sam couldn't even say it.

"I know. I wanted you to. I was trying to hide again, just for a little while."

Sam closed his eyes, as his fingers gently carded through the longer strands of Gabriel's hair.

"How did you find me?" Gabriel finally pulled back, his golden eyes meeting Sam's green ones.

Sam swallowed, his eyes drifting to the door to his room. He didn't know if he was ready to tell him exactly how.

"A mirror. We were stuck in an alternate dimension and we used a mirror to get back. That's where it dumped us," Dean's voice answered, suddenly behind Sam.

"The multidimensional mirror?" Gabriel raised a brow curiously.

"Yeah something like that," Dean nodded, now coming to stand beside Sam. "You good? How you feeling?" he gave Gabriel a once over as if he'd be able to see any other ailments. He looked fine. Cas had healed the minor cuts and bruises littering his skin, despite the archangels refusal, claiming it an easy feat.

"Better. My grace will recoup in a few days, maybe longer," Gabriel answered Dean before turning back to Sam with a frown. "If you used a multidimensional mirror, the spell takes you to the location of the person you love most."

"And that's my cue to leave," Dean pointed at the pair with an apologetic glance at his brother, before heading to the war room to find Cas.

Sam gave Dean a tight-lipped smile before turning to Gabriel with nervous eyes.

"You stepped through the mirror first."

It was moments like these that Sam wished Gabriel was as oblivious as Cas. Dean could literally kiss Cas and he would somehow still not get it, but Sam steps through a mirror from an alternate world and Gabriel figures out that means Sam has been in love with him for years.

"It was suppose to take me to the hotel," Sam's eyes dropped.

"It's been years, Sam," The confusion in Gabriel's tone didn't help the nerves Sam was feeling. He tried to recall what the other Gabriel had said.

"I may not be him, but if he was anything like me, I'm sure he felt the same way."

"It doesn't change how I feel," Sam's voice was quiet, and he didn't look up from the floor as he spoke.

There was a silence that hung between them for what felt like too long and Sam couldn't take it any longer. 

He lifted his eyes to meet Gabriel's confused golden ones.

"I guess he was wrong, you're not like him. You don't feel the same," Sam muttered, not meaning for the words to be said aloud.

"What? Who?" Gabriel blinked at Sam.

Sam sighed, his shoulders slumping. There was no sense in denying it. "I fought how I felt about you for a long time. I mean...you're you and I'm...but it had been so long since I'd seen you and we got sent to that other world and you were there..."

Gabriel's jaw clenched slightly.

"I know it wasn't really...you. But it was the closest thing I'd ever get to seeing you again, or so I thought. You were- He... was real. I could touch him and hear him say my name and...I realized I loved you. I couldn't hide it. He knew immediately. He was the closest I got to having you. And it wasn't you, I knew that. Kissing him was...wrong but it was the closest thing I'd ever get to kissing you-"

Sam's words were cut off by Gabriel's lips. They were mildly chapped and warm from being too human but this was right. This was so much better than kissing the other Gabriel. This was his Gabriel.

When the archangel pulled back, he looked annoyed. "I don't like hearing about this other me."

Sam smirked and dropped his chin to his chest, "Right, sorry."

"For the record, I do feel the same, but I'm not worthy of you. I'm a shit angel. I hid from heaven. I bailed when it mattered most. I got captured and tortured for years. You're Sam Winchester. Heaven and Hell know your name and fear it. I'm a joke."

"You helped us when it mattered most. Don't think for a second we could have done it without you. And I'm just a screwed up kid with a shotgun. Without my brother, without Cas, without Bobby, Charlie, Jodie, you, we couldn't have gotten this far. I'm nobody without all them and that includes you," Sam reached up, cupping the side of Gabriel's face.

Gabriel surged forward then, attaching their lips once more.

Sam slid his hand into Gabriel's hair as he deepened the kiss. This was everything he wanted and he couldn't believe he was getting it.

When they pulled away, Sam sighed, "Should we prepare for who did this to you?" Sam wanted to rip them apart.

"No, his plan is long term, he's not going to do anything with angel wars on earth. Metatron is too much of a threat. Plus you took his weapon away," Gabriel shook his head.

Sam sighed in relief, at least that was one less problem to deal with right now. But that didn't mean this Asmodeus was off the hook. Sam would never let what happened to Gabreil stand. He would destroy whoever did this.

"It honestly sounds like we have bigger fish to fry in the war room anyway," Gabriel pulled sam from his thoughts as he glanced down the hall where the sound of yelling could be heard.

Sam dropped his head to Gabriel's forehead, "Castiel was also in the alternate world we went to. Dean doesn't know how to not flirt with every Castiel he sees apparently. On top of the fact that him and Cas' relationship have been extra strained lately."

The sound of more shouting made Sam sigh before he decided he should probably intervene. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Sabriel finally. Now if only Destiel would get their shit together.


	31. A week

Cas sat weakly in the chair in the library. He knew of a spell he could do to boost his grace just enough to help heal Gabriel a bit. He needed to do something. Help in some way. He hated feeling so useless while his brother suffered so. It wasn't a spell you could do often. It only worked once every few days, otherwise you risked the spell's side effects causing even more of a depletion.

He worked carefully and quietly as he collected the few ingredients. Putting them all into a large wooden bowl the brothers used for spell work. He chanted the enochian spell. It was a small spell and it was barely enough to give him a boost. There was a small swell in his chest that told him that it worked.

-

Dean saw a small light emit from under the door of the room Gabriel was in and knew that Cas had used his grace once again. How? Wasn't he low?

"Sam?" Dean called, heading more adamantly for the door. Sam would tell him what was going on.

"Dean," Sam spoke from behind him before he could turn the handle on Sam's door.

"What the hell is going on in there," Dean snapped at his brother.

"I tried to stop him, but he insisted," Sam tipped back the last of a beer before letting out a sigh.

Dean went to reach for the handle, but Sam grabbed his wrist. 

"I think you need to calm down with a drink first," he gestured down the hall behind him.

A drink, that was a good idea.

Dean stepped past his brother and towards the library where they kept the good liquor. 

He stopped short when he saw a spell book left out on the table.

"You doing spell work?" Dean asked, looking over at Sam while the younger Winchester poured them each a glass of whiskey.

"No," Sam shook his head as he handed a glass to Dean.

"It's a spell in enochian," Dean recognized that language.

"Cas," Sam sighed.

Suddenly the sound of the bunker door slamming sounded loudly, startling both hunters.

Dean and Sam both pulled their guns and rounded the corner to see Jodie clambering down the metal stairs.

"Sam? Dean?" The hunter stopped at the bottom of the stairs with a surprised look on her face.

"Jodie, what are you doing here?" Sam frowned at the sheriff. 

"What am I doing here? When did you get back?" Jodie asked suddenly pulling Dean into a hug.

"Uh about an hour ago," Sam answered.

"Well I sure am glad to see you boys," she said gripping Sam in a tight embrace next.

"What do you mean?" Dean frowned, glancing at Jodie in confusion.

"You boys have been missing for a week. Seven days, almost eight. Had us all worried sick. Took six of us hunters to figure out what it was that was at that asylum. But we figured it out and we killed it, but you boys...I couldn't find you. You were just..." Jodie's tone was stressed, and her face showed the exhaustion of the past week.

"A week?" Sam frowned. "It was barely two days."

"Two days?" Jodie scoffed. "Where the hell were you?" She asked, her eyes scanning them as if to find the answer. 

"Well we kind of got transported into an alternate world," Dean shook his head, like he couldn't believe the words himself.

"An alternate world?" Jodie looked to Sam for confirmation that Dean wasn't just drunk.

"Yeah, crazy, we know," Sam gave a nod.

"Oookay," Jodie pursed her lips. "Guess Jimmy was right. He mentioned you could have been transported to an alternate timeline. But it was Jimmy so..." she shook her head with a laugh.

"So what was it, the monster?" Sam looked at Jodie. He hadn't been looking forward to fighting that particular thing again. Or attempting to.

"A viator. They were supposedly extinct but, well, leave it to Garth to find one huh?" Jodie joked lightly.

"Garth tell you we were missing?" 

"Yeah, said he hadn't heard from you in two days. I was closest so I drove down, and no one was home. You weren't answering any phones and then I found your car at the address he gave me. I took the liberty of driving it back here before she got towed," Jodie winked at Dean.

Dean glanced worriedly up at the garage. "Oh, baby."

"She's fine," Jodie chuckled. "How'd you boys get home anyway?"

Sam looked at Dean who pursed his lips.

"A witch."

Jodie raised her brows in shock and looked at Dean.

"It was the only option," he grumbled.

"Well I'm glad you boys are alright. I would stay, but we have a lot of hunters on the lookout for you and I've left my town without a proper sheriff for a week," She leaned in and pulled the two brothers into a joint hug.

"Are you sure you're up for driving?" Sam asked worriedly as he pulled back.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll text you boys when I get home. And I'll send you all the info I have on that Viator for the records," She smiled before turning to head back up the stairs.

"Thanks Jodie," Sam and Dean chorused with a wave.

"A week. Man," Dean shook his head as he turned to go fetch his discarded glass of whiskey.

"Guess time passes differently in different places?" Sam shrugged.

"I'm gonna go check on Gabriel, I gave him some of your clothes to wear by the way," Sam looked to his brother who was already heading back to the library. Dean only waved a hand before disappearing around the corner.

"Sam," Cas' gruff voice pulled the younger Winchester's attention to where the angel was in the doorway of the war room.

"How is he?" Sam was aware that his voice sounded nervous and unsure, but he couldn't help it.

"Better."

"How are you?" Sam dared ask.

"I'll be fine," Cas straightened his shoulders.

"You used a spell." 

It wasn't posed as a question, so Cas didn't respond.

"Cas, you need to take care of yourself. If you're too-"

"I said I'm fine, Sam," Cas cut in sharply.

Sam gave a tight smile and nodded. This wasn't his fight to have. Dean would more than make up for the lack of fight Sam was putting up so he opted to go find Gabriel instead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys only another chapter or two left. Next one is gonna be the big Destiel blow out so get ready. 😊


	32. Nothing to say

Cas looked around the familiar room he'd claimed as his own. It was similar to Sam and Dean's rooms. Small but big enough for what Cas had needed. He'd only used it a few times when he was human before Dean had- Cas shook his head of the thoughts. It didn't matter. He'd kept the room as his. Used it as his sanctuary when he'd been allowed to return. Even though he didn't sleep, it was nice to come and be alone with his thoughts sometimes. Now though, he was coming to say goodbye. He had only come to fetch something that he couldn't bear to leave behind.

He pressed the eject button on the cassette player Sam had found for him tucked away in some back corner. Sliding the mixtape out, he thumbed the familiar scrawls of Dean's handwriting on the front. He may have been leaving behind Dean, but the mixtape was something that he couldn't leave behind. Dean had given it to him shortly after returning to the bunker as human.

'I find listening to music helps when I can't sleep' he'd said handing over the tape late one night when Cas had gotten up for a midnight snack.

Cas tucked the tape into his coat pocket and headed for the bunker door. Saying goodbye would only cause trouble. Sam knew that he was leaving, he could tell Dean.

-

Dean had wanted to talk to Cas when he found Gabriel and Sam in the hallway. He was glad Gabriel was alright, but his concern was Cas. The stupid angel had used a spell to heal Gabriel. That wasn't safe. He'd checked the spell. 

When he'd sufficiently made the conversation awkward between Sam and Gabriel, he quickly made his escape and continued his search for his angel.

"Cas?" Dean popped his head into the angel's room. Nothing. He was about to leave when he noticed the tape player flashing the word eject. 

Dean noticed the mouth of the player was open. That was odd. He hadn't even realized Cas had a cassette player. Suddenly it hit him then. The mixtape. Cas had listened to it.

Dean turned then to continue his search. Maybe things weren't as broken as he thought they were.

"Cas," He called as he entered the war room, just in time to see Cas reach the middle of the stairs.

The angel paused but didn't turn around.

"Cas, where are you going?" Dean frowned at the angel's back.

Cas remained unmoving.

Nausea settled in the pit of Dean's stomach as the angel slowly turned to look at Dean. His face was sympathetic and yet stern. Dean knew that look. It was the look he used when he was about to explain something that he knew Dean wouldn't like.

"Cas," Dean's tone was somewhere between a plead and a warning.

Cas' jaw clenched.

"Where are you going?" Dean repeated, this time more harshly.

"I don't know," The angel answered honestly. He hadn't thought about where he might go. What he would do. He just knew he couldn't stay here.

"You don't know?" Dean repeated angrily.

"Dean-"

"You're in no shape to be leaving anywhere. You're on the angel's most wanted list. Your grace is dangerously low, perhaps more so since you pulled that stunt with the spell, and you want to leave, and you don't know where?" Dean barked, taking a half step forward.

"Gabriel needed my help," Cas snapped.

"Cas, you are barely keeping yourself together most days. Maybe you're the one who needs the help. You're not the angel you once were, dammit," Dean's voice was rising.

"So you keep reminding me," Cas shouted back.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"I don't actually," Cas took a few steps down the stairs. "All I've heard from you is how I'm not the same as I was."

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I know that things were tense back there and I screwed up with Castiel but-"

"Are you?" Cas cut in, taking another few steps. "Are you sorry?" he was now at the bottom and less than three feet from Dean.

"Of course I am," Dean snapped, his brow furrowing together. How could Cas doubt that?

"What exactly are you sorry about?"

Dean opened his mouth and sputtered, "I-you-everything."

"That's what I thought," Cas huffed before turning to head back up the stairs.

"What are you doing?" Dean stepped forward, grabbing Cas' arm.

"I'm leaving," Cas snapped, yanking his arm from Dean's grasp.

Dean's heart dropped. Cas was leaving, like really leaving. For good leaving.

"No," Dean grabbed Cas' arm again and forced the angel to face him. "You were gonna leave and not even say anything?" his tone was a mix of hurt and angry.

"I have nothing to say. And I don't think you do either," Cas growled out.

"Nothing to say?" Dean's voice was rising again. "We've been through everything together. How could you possibly have nothing to say?"

"I'm not that same angel anymore, Dean, remember?" Cas snapped.

"Dammit, Cas, stop it with that. I don't care what kind of angel you are."

"Your interactions with Castiel say otherwise," Cas spat the other angel's name like it was poisonous. It might as well have been. The angel had come in and taken what was his. Injected his fangs into Dean like a viper. Or that's what Cas wanted to believe. But deep down he knew it was his fault. He was a shit angel. He'd caused the fall. He'd made the decisions that led him to this point. He couldn't blame Castiel or even Dean as much as he wanted to. He just wished he meant more to Dean than he did. He was just a tool. A useful weapon. A guard dog as he'd been referred to on many occasions. But now he was used up. No good. Like many of the old junk cars Dean used to tinker with at Bobby's when he got bored.

Dean's jaw was clenched so tight it ached. How could he possibly get through to Cas that he didn't care about Castiel the way he cared about him? 

'Tell him' Castiel's words echoed in his head. 

He could tell Cas that he was in love with him, but then it could ruin everything between them. A small voice in his head was screaming at him, 'it's already ruined. He's trying to leave you' it shouted. At least if it was ruined for this reason, Dean wouldn't have to regret never telling Cas how he felt. Right? 

Dean took a deep breath. He could do this. Just tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, one more chapter. I know I'm the worst. I'm sorry! I promise you won't have to wait long!


	33. Stay

Sam walked into the room to see his brother step towards Cas. He looked more vulnerable than he had ever seen him. Sam halted, causing Gabriel to bump into the back of him. The youngest Winchester had been ready to intervene. To save Cas from Dean or vise versa. But they didn't need saving from each other, they needed saving from themselves and it looked like Dean was about to finally make that save.

"Cas, I know you thought I was trying to replace you with Castiel, but I wasn't. He wasn't my kind of angel, you are," Dean reached out for Cas, but the angel leaned away from the touch, causing Dean to drop his hand.

"And what kind is that exactly?" Cas spat.

"You," Dean answered without hesitation. If he was doing this. He had to do it.

Cas frowned.

"I don't care that you're not at full power. I don't care that your wings don't work. I don't care that you need help sometimes. I care that you don't acknowledge the difference. You want to be the same angel and you can't accept that you're not. I know that I didn't help that by kicking you out of the bunker and before you say anything, I know you forgive me, but I have to forgive myself. I never should have left you on your own. I should have been there for you. I worry about you and I know that you don't like it but truth is, I worried even when you were at full power. I will always worry because..."he trailed off, but he stepped forward once more.

Cas didn't make a move to pull away this time when Dean put a hand on Cas' shoulder.

"Because I care about you," Dean's words fell flat. He couldn't do it. "Sam and I both do," his hand fell from the angel's shoulder.

Cas didn't respond.

"Are you kidding me right now? Both of you?" Sam snapped, making his presence known. 

Cas and Dean both tensed.

"You said you wouldn't leave," Sam glared at Cas. "And you, what was that? 'Because I care about you'," he mocked his brother.

"Sam," Cas' tone was pleading.

"You said you would tell him," Sam looked at Cas as if he was being personally betrayed by Cas not telling Dean how he felt.

"Tell me what?" Dean looked between his brother and Cas as if he could decipher the secret on his own.

"Nothing," Cas grit out. He should have left sooner.

"Cas, you can't leave you're important to us, both of us and it's not safe out there. You're wanted by every angel out there and-"

"I can't stay here," Cas cut in. His eyes glaring at the younger Winchester. Sam knew what Cas had gone through. Knew how Cas felt. How could he ask him to stay?

"Why the hell not?" Dean demanded; his tone once again angry.

"Because I'm not your kind of angel. I'm useless. I'm just all you had, but you have Gabriel now. I doubt he'll be going anywhere anytime soon. You needed me before because I was your only option, now that's not the case," Cas glanced at the archangel behind Sam before turning to head back up the stairs.

Dean's stomach knotted over and over and yet he couldn't find the words to make Cas stay. 

"Dean," Sam's tone was sharp and though he didn't say anything else, Dean heard the underlying sentence. Go after him. Don't let him go. Stop him. Do something.

"I already tried, Sammy."

"Did you try being honest with him?" Sam snapped. He knew that Cas would never make the first move. Never be the one to tell Dean how he felt. Cas always treated Dean like a wounded animal when it came to his feelings and emotions, but Sam wasn't Cas.

"Yes," Dean growled.

"You love him, Dean. He needs to know that. He deserves to know," Sam wasn't letting this go.

Dean clenched his eyes shut and gripped at the handle of the stairs. There was no more denying it. 

Before Sam could say anything more Dean was bolting up the stairs and into the garage where Cas had gone.

"Cas, don't go, please," He begged as the angel opened the door to the old tan truck he'd picked up when he was human.

Cas paused and bowed his head. "Dean, please, don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"Me? You're the one leaving," Dean snapped.

Cas' head straightened. "Give me one good reason to stay, Dean," he demanded, whirling around to face the hunter.

Cold blue eyes met bright green ones.

Dean's heart was pounding so hard in his chest he was sure the angel could hear it. He swallowed thickly.

"Because I'm asking you to," Dean's eyes were pleading, and his tone was just on this side of breaking.

Cas' jaw clenched. Dean was being selfish. How could he ask this of him? Because he didn't know. He didn't know how much it hurt. He didn't know how much Cas loved him. 

"When-" Dean swallowed as the sentence fell short and tried again, "The reason I was the way I was with Castiel was because he wasn't you. I knew that and it made it easy. The fond smiles, the soft glances, the small gestures. I'd never see him again so I could give in to how..."

Cas tilted his head slightly as he listened and waited patiently for Dean to get out what he needed to say.

"...to how I...felt about you..."Dean dropped his eyes to the ground between them. He waited for Cas to respond and wished he could climb into the small crack in the cement his eyes were currently trained on.

"I don't understand," Cas took a step towards Dean, as if urging him to explain himself further.

Dean let out a sigh, of course Cas didn't understand.

"I kept pushing you away and worrying about you and fighting with you because it's what I do to the people I love," Dean blurted.

Cas froze.

"Castiel wasn't you. He was a version of you I could be with easily and then never see again so if I screwed it up, oh well. But with you...you're the real deal, Cas. You're it and if I screw that up..." Dean trailed off, unable to finish the thought. 

Cas remained silent in case Dean had more to say. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. Dean never talked like this, so freely, so honestly. One wrong thing could shut the hunter down.

"I-I'm in love with you, Cas, so please don't leave," Dean's hands were shaking at his side as his eyes stared nervously into the angel's.

Cas' brows pulled into a frown, he felt it then. The tugging that he felt whenever Dean was longing. 

Worry was etched on the hunter's face and Cas realized what expression he must be giving because Dean instantly started to back track.

"Shit, that was the wrong thing to say to get you to stay. Listen, it doesn't have to change anything. I just wanted you to understand. Please don't-"

His words were lost in Cas' mouth as the angel pressed his lips to Dean's. 

It took Dean a full five seconds to realize what was happening before he was dragging Cas into him harshly. His fists gripping onto the trench coat as he held the angel in place.

When they finally separated Dean leaned his head on Cas' and smiled for the first real time in days.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas' said gruffly into the space between them. "That's why I was leaving."

Dean's hands were still gripping the angel's coat. He felt his fingers pressing into something hard. He opened the coat and spotted the top of the mixtape peeking out of the pocket.

Dean huffed out a small laugh as something warm settled into his chest. Cas had gone to get it before he left.

"Please don't go," Dean pleaded gently. "I'm so sorry for being such a dumbass."

"I'm sorry too, Dean. And I'm not going anywhere," Cas whispered before pressing a kiss to the hunter's forehead.

Dean leaned into the touch, closing his eyes as relief flooded him. For the first time in weeks, he and Cas were in a good place. In the best place. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I know I'm shit at endings so I'm sorry if it sucked! Anyway thank you all for sticking with me! I appreciate all your support!😊🖤


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